Expression Practice

    I am studying for my exam in the most hurried manner. Books and study material surround me and I feel like a great scientist preparing for something big. Man I will so happy once the exam if over for I will not have to go to class on Tuesday's for a while. I am typing this blog on word 2010. I want to check out the features of this software, it feels very similar to word 2007. I do not see much difference its appearance but I do like it thought, because I always like the newest, latest and greatest stuff. I always feel like they are going to change my life, which they seldom do! I do love the instant search feature though. This is so sweet. I can look search through a document in real-time and click the results to see the different parts of the document the word is. I love it; I can quickly find all occurrences of the word. No more using old versions of word for me, only word 2010 with instant search! I love finding stuff quickly; it gives me so much joy because in the real I cannot find stuff in my messy room. Finding stuff in a digital document counteracts this frustration. Someday in the future we will be able to have small RFID tags on all read world objects and with a few keystrokes, one will be able to locate where their possessions are irrespective of the mess, because the RFID tracking computer will keep track of them. Until then I have to try to arrange my room and dream about the future.

I am so happy my final will be over this evening, I get a great feeling after I finish a semester and I will be able to enjoy that again, I feel like a big burden is removed from my shoulder and I feel so light that I can fly. I will be able to spend more time reading books and practicing my expression. At least that is what I hope to do, let us see how it plays out.

I love the low profile keyboard that I am using, it makes it so much easier for me type. I am able to type quicker without hurting my wrists. I love the track pad built into the keyboard, as I do not have to move my hand around reaching for a mouse and getting carpel tunnel in the process. Wow, I have already typed two hundred words on this keyboard in a few minutes. I love it baby. This is so sweet, it feels like I have discovered something magical and now I am going to revolutionize the way I type blogs and hence from here on just going to churn out blogs and left and right.

This is the bomb; I have already typed 300 words. Yippee do. I will be meeting the blog entry word count requirement soon.

I do not feel like studying, I should be studying right now. I am going to study soon, after I finish typing this blog. I will post this blog after my final tonight. Since I did ok on the midterm, I have been taking it lightly for the final, which is very bad, if I do not at least put in some last moment effort. I will eat some delicious food now and then get cracking like a cracker. My mind is going crazy studying for this exam! I am looking forward to reading books again after my final.

I like

I like jumping up and down on a trampoline. It makes me feel like a little kid. I feel so happy. I feel more energetic. I like jumping on trampolines because I can jump on them and then fall down on them but not get hurt. I can jump to my hearts content and then just fall down when I am tired and not get hurt at all. It feels so good when I fall and bounce up and down. It feels like I am jumping in paradise and falling down with all these great thoughts running rapidly through my mind. After a couple of minutes, I can get back to jumping up and down like a little kid. When I get a house someday, I want to have a trampoline in my backyard. Everyday when I comeback from work I want to jump up on down on my trampoline. It would be perfect if I had a dog, which jumped up and down with me. Now that I think of that, I am wondering if dogs do jump on trampolines. Anyways my dog will jump with me.

I like strawberry ice cream. I like the pink creamy color of strawberry ice cream. It is very pleasing. I also the like strawberry flavor, because it is not as plain as vanilla but not too strong like pineapple. It is the subtle strawberry flavor that made we want to crave strawberry ice cream when I was a kid. It is the same reason that I also like strawberry milkshakes, but alas I do not enjoy these delights as I used to because of my constant fear of their detrimental nutritional value.

I like cute girls wearing pink. It feels so right, it seems like the color was just made for them to wear. On a similar note, I like looking at girl’s thongs because it gives me a big boner. I like girls wearing pink and black thongs the most. I find the black thong sexier and the pink thong cute because I associate pink with cute and black with sexy. I find black lingerie sexy on a blond chick so sexy. The contrast just drives me crazy.

Incompetence

Why does Franchise annoy me so much? I am the problem. Why am I so quick to point the flaws in others? I am the problem. Saturday night, I watched Rob sitting in between Franchise and KDDR, while KDDR and Franchise were talking about Nintendo games, Rob just sat there in between looking pretty in his jacket, unable to connect with their topic of discussion. I made a comment “Hey you guys should include Rob in your conversation” and KDDR snapped back saying that I should instead attempt to converse with him. I made that comment because I was incompetent in initiating a conversation with Rob. So I do the only thing I know how to do best, just point out others behaviors.

On a different note, I find people who don’t speak clearly annoying but I don’t speak very clearly either.

I find franchise to be a hypocritical nerdy white guy listening to black music and trying to be or act cool, when he doesn’t come off as being cool at all. I am a hypocritical nerdy Indian guy who wants to be cool but is not. Why do I find nfm and kddr being partial to Franchise when he is just as incompetent? I am the problem. Why am I seen as the default bad guy and Franchise as the victim, when he initiates and I react? I am the problem. I just react; I don’t do anything proactive to be more competent in my interactions with him. I just react and get angry. I find Franchise’s sarcastic comments so annoying but I have used sarcasm myself on many occasions. I am the problem.

I remember Franchise saying “sweet” and snickering when ninja was reprimanding me. It made me so angry. But I have done similar things when ninja was talking to others, KDDR.

I find dealing with socially incompetent people a chore. I am socially incompetent too. I justify it by saying at least I am not that bad. I am bad.

In order to get others to meet my expectations, I need to enforce my expectations. But in order to expose the disorder in others I have to first expose the disorder in myself. I want to practice getting others to meet my expectations but I am still so disorderly to the core myself. My incompetence makes me mad at everyone and everything. I hate them because of their incompetence because I am too incompetent myself and I cannot make a difference to their incompetence. It instead becomes a competition between two incompetent people, since I am still the problem.

Discovering Apple

I am so glad that I discovered apple products at the right time in the history of computers. Right after they switched to Intel processors. My discovery of apple products seems perfectly orchestrated. One evening in 2005, I meet this guy listening to his ipod. He and I become good friends and I observed that he had a mac computer. I later see him use his computer and I impressed immensely that I actually go out and look into finding a hacked version of their operating system and installing it on my PC. Upon installing it, I was so happy, I felt cooler for the fact that I was using this modern operating system. It was a unique feeling like having bmw steering in a Toyota. Everything was easier, simpler and most importantly cooler to use in this operating system. I had injected new life into my computer. I had blessed it with apple’s operating system.

I like Macs because they are shown in movies. They look so much sleeker than plain old pc’s in cinema. I remember first awing the power book laptop in American pie when they were watching naked girls. Using a mac, made me feel like I am somehow part of the American pie guys using a mac. At least momentarily it did, until I realized I was still in my apartment with no blond girls to spy on with a webcam.

I felt so efficient myself when I used a mac. I felt the mac is going to make my life more organized and cool but that hasn’t happened yet. I wish my life was like the apple’s operating system so streamlined, organized and simple. I thought by using apple’s latest hot product the Iphone my life would be so organized and I would be on top of everything. In my naïve days I used to think whenever I was talking to a girl I would look up what to say to her on my Iphone and say it to her and impress her. My mind likes to drift away whenever I think of some new idea like that and bask in thought of how its going to alter my life and bring joy. At least apple helps me dream about such things.

Discovering apple has definitely brought me more joy, even though it is not all that I anticipated but overall it has been a very positive experience.

Apple

Using apple computers is such a delight. Right from when you turn on the computer everything about them is so spectacular. Why? To start off the computer is elegant and as soon as you push the power button, the computer boots into this unique pinkish white vista in a slightly dark background image as its desktop image. This image as described is simple but uniquely elegant. Looking at this screen makes me so calm. This also reminds me of the Mac screensaver called flurry. This screensaver is so good that it is ported over to windows. I was drawn to this screensaver ever since I laid my eyes on in it on one of my professor’s computers. This screensaver looks like a multicolored jellyfish floating around randomly on the screen. In addition, it is engrossing because it changes its entire color or in parts while floating around graciously. Just having that screensaver made my computer look better. Every time I look at that screensaver, I feel like I am in the future. It also gives me a feeling that important work is being done on that computer and this fancy screensaver is just playing during a break. I actually downloaded and put this screensaver on my PC back when I did not have a Mac. I felt just having this screensaver elevated the status of my PC.

Others things I like about the mac, are the ease with which the browser opens PDF’s. I can easily open PDF’s in apple’s safari browser without having adobe reader launching like on PC’s. I don’t have ten thousand plug-ins loading each time. Only the pdf is open ready for me to read.

Using an apple computer is like a date with a nice cute chick that is doing everything you want in the cutest manner possible. The aqua interface on the Mac is so pleasing to the eye, I actually feel like doing work on the Mac. I can say that the prettiness of the Mac motivates me to do more work. I would love to win a golden ticket to meet Steve Jobs in person and check out the apple factory, just like Charlie who got a chance to do so in Charlie and the chocolate factory. I would like to see all the magic that goes into making these fine machines and the wonderful software that accompany them. I would kill for a chance to win an apple factory trip. Ah, apple the joy you have brought into my life, pricey but worth it.

Tech1

I have a passion for apple computers. I crave for these computers as I crave for hot chicks. I find the beauty of these computers appealing like the beauty of well-designed cars. These computers have impressed me so much that now I actually have developed an appreciation for art in addition to science. In the past, I was just fascinated by technology, but now I like look for more than technology, I also look for the inclusion of art or great design in tech. products.

I also love the simplicity incorporated in these products. Only what is truly essential is left on these computers. It is like as though these works of art have been created by chipping away all the non-essential components and leaving only the essential. The engineers at apple computer are like sculptors chipping away at what is not required and creating a masterpiece for a computer.

Let us take the Mac book pro for example. I find this machine to be the highest benchmark for good laptop design. This laptop is so full of features but still manages to be terribly simple and intuitive. With the Mac book pro in front of all I can think of is simplicity and ease of use. Steve Jobs is an evil genius. This man hates buttons and I can see his influence in the latest Mac book pro. I love the huge track pad on the new Mac book pro. There are no buttons! Can you believe that, no buttons but I can do everything. I can scroll, I can double click, I can navigate backward and forward in WebPages. The most amazing thing of all is that the huge track pad itself is a button so you can click that for a single click. This to me is like figuring out complex abstract physics theories and coming up with a break through theory that makes everything easy to do. This is one of those things, that after it has been achieved; it makes you wonder why no one else thought about it. No more ugly track pads with multiple buttons and a scroll area, just the beautiful glass track pad for me. Long live the Mac.

Tech.

I like apple computers because I find their designs to be out of this planet. Their sleek sexy fronts draw me towards them. I like touching and feeling their sleek aluminum exteriors. Their coloring scheme seems just right; the silver color aluminum looks so beautiful. It is not too dark or too light, it is just right. It can blend into any environment. It looks good in any lighting or situation. The aluminum macbook pro seems just so right in my hand. It has the perfect weight; it is not heavy unlike the bulky pc laptops. The thinness of the macbook pro just baffles me. It amazes me that apple could cram in all those electronics into an enclosing body that is less than one inch thick. I imagine the apple hardware engineers to be brilliant, coming up with new innovative ways to layout all the parts in the laptop without heating up all the components. I think apple should get an excellence award for their heat management techniques. All the other laptops, they just conduct the heat around or let them out from the side through ugly ass vents. Apple directed their heat out from an area near the hinge of the screen and executed it with utmost elegance. You do not even realize the vents on the Mac. On the pc laptop, the vents are glaringly apparent.

I also love the apple software that comes with the computer, it so simple and easy to use. The intuitive interface got my attention the very first time I laid eyes on the Mac. Every time I used a Mac, the more I fell in love with its intuitive interface. It only gets better and better on the Mac. Every year apple comes out with so many refinements and add-ons, that it is just hard for me to go back to a pc. I find the Mac hardware and software moving towards attainment of perfection. I consider the Macs to be one of the perfect computers out there. Using a Mac is a delight; it is like watching a blue ray movie on a premium TV set. Using a pc is painful like watching a bootleg movie on a tiny computer screen with Chinese subtitles and bad audio.

Weather

I both like and hate winter at the same time. I like cold weather because I can sit at home and have some hot chocolate and feel warm. I also like sitting by a fireplace and reading my books. I can get more schoolwork done, since I cannot go out but have to say indoors. Also I don’t have to keep sweating all the time. I am inspired to go run in the cold weather sometimes, wearing a jacket, gloves, like in the rocky movie, except I am missing the dog and I can’t do the raw eggs. I have run in the cold weather in the past, I enjoyed because it is cold outside so you have to keep moving to stay warm at the same time it never gets too hot. I am generating all this heat but I can still keep going since the weather is cold. I also like taking a dip in a warm swimming pool, preferably indoor. It has been so long since I have been in a indoor swimming pool. I like indoor swimming pools; I can use them in the winter without freezing.

I don’t like winter because I feel lazy to go out and do stuff. I don’t like it when the weather gets dark outside since I just feel like going home at that point. I find darkness induces lethargy in me. Also I can’t stay out late at night because it gets so cold and I long the warmth of room. I also don’t like wearing extra clothing to keep me warm. I hate the fact that I have to wear jackets when going out but remove everything as soon I go inside since people keep so warm indoors. I wish someone invented clothing that changes its self according to the temperature. I think the clothing must expand should become more porous and allow air in when indoors and contract and shield me when I am outdoors in the cold. I also miss the girls wearing revealing clothes showing their cleavage and legs, but I admire the brave souls who do endure the cold weather to give me a little sight of their goodies.

Iphone

I like the Iphone because I find it very intuitive and enjoyable to use. I use my Iphone all the time, I use it to play games, I use it to get directions, and I use it to look up the weather. It is so sweet. I find everything on the Iphone beautifully implemented. The multi-touch on the Iphone is such a pleasure to use. You can scroll, touch, multi-touch, pinch and zoom on the phone in a lucid manner. It really helps when checking out pictures of girls where you have to zoom in to see if they really look good, it is so easy to do, I just move my fingers apart, and there Valla the picture zooms on my phone, enabling me to see a more enlarged picture, also helps in checking out cleavage. I find that the Iphone has taken us into the future many years early. I believe that this device has heralded a generation of devices that are going to use this multi-touch concept as a base. Now I can see the future being multi-touch with no touch, moving a towards a minority report future at lightning speed. I find it amusing that every cell phone manufacturer on planet earth is trying to copy apple’s multi-touch screen and implementation.

I only wish that Apple came out with a version that has a hard keyboard. Knowing apple, I think they will implement it in seamless manner into the multi-touch virtual keyboard. I believe they can do this by giving the user a tactile impulse feedback every time they touch a key on the virtual keyboard. I think this would be a great way, since it still allows the device to be terribly simple but at the same time satisfies the need for a tactile keyboard experience.

The Iphone has the best visual voicemail experience. When they announced this feature in 2007, I thought this was the coolest feature ever. I hated using my voicemail on cell phones, where I had to press seven for next message, nine to delete, # to skip and other non-sense key assignments, just to listen to my voicemail. I hated navigating through my voicemail. Then comes the Iphone and redefines voicemail navigation. Now I can actually see my voicemails listed on the screen with the timestamps of when they were received, length of the messages, and their associated phone numbers. This has exponentially improved my voicemail using experience, as I can play exactly the messages I want in order that I choose.

I love my Iphone; I do not leave home without it. It is always within five feet from me at all times. I can even get an app to open my car from the Iphone with some additional hardware then I do not need to carry car keys around. In addition, the icing on the cake will be when stores allow me to use my Iphone to pay for stuff. I am waiting for that day. I then will not need to carry my wallet or keys. I will just carry my Iphone everywhere I go.

Tech Rant

I like Apple inc. because they make computers, which are easy to use. In addition, I find their computers to be very stable. They do not give me a headache like windows PC’s which crash all the time and cause me frustration. I can now actually do work on my computer than spend most of my time fixing my computer. Apple builds their machines with Rolls Royce quality, whereas other PC manufacturers build their computers with Kia quality. Apple computers are like hot chicks that are submissive and do not give me any attitude, PC’s are like average chicks that are bitchy and give me nightmares. I can go on and on about how I like apple computers over pc’s. The comparison will never end. I do not have to keep restarting my computer every time I install a program. I do not have to keep downloading virus update packages. I do not have to keep cleaning up my temporary files or defragging my computers, my computer takes care of it.

I think I appreciate apple computers more since I came from the PC world. I have seen the bad and ugly side. Now using Macs is like driving a Lexus or Mercedes after driving a pinto for many years. Once you go Mac, you never go back. If God wanted to use a computer he would chose a Mac any day. I wish apple made everything. I hope they make toothbrushes, combs, microwaves, refrigerators, everything that I use. I think the world will be happier and better place if apple took over all manufacturing. There would be fewer machines breaking down, everyone will actually be using their appliances rather than fixing them and everything would be so easy to use, there would be no need for complicated manuals explaining stuff.

Apple should make all hardware and Google should make software. Actually, Apple should make hardware and software, and Google should mainly make software. If Google made software for car dashboards, I can do a Google search right from the steering while waiting at the traffic light. Those will be the days. I can just imagine Google and Apple working together to make the world a better place.

Healthy Spaghetti

I was so hungry today when I left my training class. I was sitting in that class trying not to sleep. I kept dinking hot decaf coffee in the hopes that it would keep me awake. Finally, the class was over and I ran up to my cubicle took a quick nap and then heated my food. I had healthy brown whole grain spaghetti for lunch. The spaghetti as I mentioned is brown since it is made of whole grains. It definitely looks healthy. In addition, when I eat it I feel full from all the fiber and protein in it. I heated up the spaghetti along with the red lamb curry that my mom made. I also heated a potato and beans curry to have some vegetables in my meal.

I heated my food. The spaghetti was steaming, asking for the red steamy hot lamb curry to be poured on it. That is what I did. The spaghetti started soaking up all the curry like sponge. I mixed the spaghetti and lamb pieces around, and then took a bite of this well mixed food. It tasted good and healthy. I love this fusion dish, mixing Indian curry with Italian spaghetti. I get the best of both worlds. I did this so that I can avoid eating rice and eat healthier spaghetti instead. I finally figured how to minimize my rice consumption with this spaghetti substitute; I hope I do not get tired of it too quickly. Then I added the potato and beans to get my vegetable in, the combination seemed to work fine. The potatoes blended well with the lamb curry flavor. As I relished my healthy meal, I thought the only thing missing to add to the experience was a coke. I could imagine the sweet taste of carbonated coke in mouth as I had my meal. However, I decided to save the coke for later and have it while writing my blog. I like to treat myself to sweet treats while completing tasks.

After eating my lamb spaghetti, I ate pineapple that my mom packed. The fruit helps offset the curry flavor and gives me a fresher fruit breath. I generally like to finish my meals with a sweet and fruit is a great choice, since I feel it acts like a breath freshener to a certain extent.

Technology Rant – Why?Why?

I like technology. Why? I think it has done so much for the human race. Why? It has equipped us with tools to cure so many diseases and bring innovative products to your lives. It has personally given me so many toys to play with. Products like the Iphone and Mac have made me always look forward to something. Every time apple releases a new product, I am so happy, I like to see the new features of their computers and how easy they now make my task of using a computer.

I am so glad I switched to Macs. Doing things on a Mac is so enjoyable to me. Unlike a PC, which is frustrating to use most of the time. Ideally a computer should be a device that you use to obtain or manipulate information in the least amount of time. But with windows pc’s I have to spend half the time maintaining my computer. Macs are computers designed by Apple. They fit my criteria of being devices that are easy and fun to use.

I would consider personal computers as one of the coolest inventions in the last thirty years. A computer is basically a device that has some storage, a brain, an input device and an output device. This is what the modern computer is when broken down to the core categories. It may look simple but computers can help us tackle the most complex tasks.

I love my computer. When I need some information, I turn it on, type what I am looking for and hit search and bam I am connected to an abundance of information that fulfills every quest for knowledge my brain desires. Ok, then say I am bored; I just go download a game, and then play the game. Downloading would be the process of getting content from a remote location to my computer. If I want to watch a video, I download that. I find computers to be the most versatile machines ever. They satisfy almost every need for information, media or entertainment that I have. If I was given 150,000$ a year job and kick ass computer with a fast Internet connection, I would be ready to live in Alaska for a year.

Technology Rant-Why?

I find Apple to be one of the coolest companies around other than Google. Why? The products they make are spectacular and so easy to use. Anyone without a computer background can pick and use a Mac and learn things so quickly. Why? Ease of use makes one want to use a product. If a product is too difficult to use, people will be shunned away. I think apple would not be what it is today without Steve Jobs. Why? Steve Jobs is like a celebrity in the computer world. He would be the Brad Pitt or Collin Ferrell of the tech industry. This man has revolutionized the way people obtain, interact and use media – music, videos etc. Why? The introduction of the iPod was something so revolutionary. Everyone on the planet wanted to get one of these. His role in the development of these products helped engineers and designers push themselves to the limit. Why? That is what Steve does, he pushes people to bring out the excellence in them. Again he awed the world with the introduction of the Iphone. Why? This little gadget is all over the news, and all the over the place. It may not be the perfect gadget but it is far superior to most of the competition. It makes using a phone device for information so easy. People can now pull up maps, directions, and enjoy music, videos, all on a device that conveniently fits into ones pocket. I find this just amazing. Why? Because it has even made me cut down on the number of devices I need to carry. I don’t need to carry a separate mp3 player, a separate notebook, a separate gps, nope. Just one little device. I find this so convenient.

When Steve Jobs released the Iphone in January of 2007, I watched the release of this device with great excitement. Why? Watching him deliver the presentation as I worked in a crappy help desk job at school made me look forward to getting a real job and buying an Iphone someday. I was so happy. I was thinking of all the creative ways I could use this phone. The news of phone immediately sent Blackberry and Palm stocks down. I was amazed by the powerful effect the news of this phone had on other company stocks. I wish I had the money then to buy some apple stock, I would definitely be a richer man today.
Steve said in his presentation that he waited three years to release this device. The secrecy with which apple deals with its products are just mind blowing.s No one could predict when the company was going to exactly release their products. I find it fascinating that there are entire websites dedicated to tracking apple’s next product release. These sites jump on any trade secrets and rumors they find on apple. I find this similar to paparazzi following celebrities.

Now thinking of it Steve Jobs would be more like rock star in the technology industry. I love technology and to see a tech company and tech CEO receive so much fanfare perhaps more than a movie star makes me happy.

Technology Rant

I find Apple to be one of the coolest companies around other than Google. The only thing I don’t like with both these companies is their promotion of gay marriage. Other than I am cool with these two outstanding companies. Talking about apple, I think apple would not be what it is today without a great man called Steve Jobs. I find this dude just amazing. I find him inspiring and intriguing. I wonder how he induces his desire for excellence in his company and its product line. I so wish I could meet him in person someday. Or at least stand within hundred feet from him and observe him. If I can talk to him I would like tell him some of my ideas. He might laugh at them but I would tell him anyway. But if he puts me down too much, I might start my one line of pc’s and make them pretty but cheaper than apple.

Or I will go join dell and revamp their product line. I used to have all these beautiful ideas for making better notebooks, which never saw the light of day. The only notebooks I found to have most of the features that I was looking for were made by apple.
Thinking about this gave me another idea. If I got a chance to be a notebook designer on one of the pc companies, I would work with the team to cram in all the features one could think of, including copying some of apple’s work and make the laptop thin and light, load google chrome os on it and sell it at a price lower than apple. I mean if you really think about it, Apple is just getting components from Intel, Nvidia and other companies and packing them into a really neat notebook and adding fine nuances such as a multi-touch track pad. I need to copy all their ideas, and improve on them. For example instead of making the notebook from aluminum I would make the laptop from carbon fiber. Making the laptop a lot lighter but strong. I would also incorporate a better keyboard from IBM, which will give a better feel while typing. In addition I will add finger print biometrics, faster solid state drives and other features lacking in Apple’s current lineup but do it in a minimalistic fashion pioneered by Apple. One would not even notice the finger print reader; it would just be an area on the notebook where you can slide your finger. Or better yet I will integrate it into the gigantic track pad. Fuck, I will even build a micro projector into the notebooks just to fuck with apple and make my notebook lineup outshine apple’s lineup.

Building a pretty notebook, without annoying Intel inside or Vista stickers and loading a free os like google chrome and undercutting Apple higher prices, I see a market waiting to explode. The prices of the laptops will be higher than all the crappy windows pc’s out there but will still be lower than apple’s notebooks. Also I won’t charge super high prices for ram and additional upgrades hence still enabling hobbyists to configure their computers, as they like. Yes, these laptops will be google os based and will kick all the other computers' asses with their speed, beauty and function.

Salsa Dancing

I went to this free salsa dance practice at my work during lunch. It consists of some older women who want to salsa dance. I decided to check it out since I have non-existence dancing skills. I went there with a coworker of mine, since I was too shy to go by myself. He dropped me off there and then left, like a parent dropping a kid off at a playschool! It was refreshing to see a couple of younger girls. I knew they were not going to come back. Anyway, the instructor went over some basics, which I had tough time with due to my inability to synchronize by body. After a little while, I was slowly getting a hang of the basic steps.

After sometime, the woman teaching us told all the men to stand in the middle and the women to surround us. It was a unique experience, since there were lot more women then men. I liked being one of the guys in the middle who had to dance with the different women, since it was so rare. The teacher then told the guys to dance with each women for a couple of songs till all the women got a chance to dance with the guys.

This was when things got interesting. I started dancing with a semi-hot chick. It was a nice experience since I probably have never danced holding a chick so close. Moving and leading her was an exciting experience. In addition, I got to my practice my dance steps. The great thing about it was they were learning too so I did not have to feel too self-conscious about my dancing.

After I finished dancing with the semi-hot chick, I moved over to the hot chick, she was a cute Persian girl. Her subtle smile was mesmerizing. Ah, and when I held her soft slender body it just felt so perfect. It made me realize that chicks in shape are so worth the effort over just getting slightly chubby chick and just bearing it.

Now the bad part, after dancing with hot I wanted to go the other direction, but a fat lady was like no come over here! Oh man I had to dance with her, ugh, she was looking at me while I was dancing and smiling, she totally messed up my experience that I had with the hot chick. It was a transfer from the hottie to the fatty.

After the class, one of the instructors spent some extra time teaching me one on one. It was very pleasing to get free salsa lessons.

After this, I went a couple more times but the hot chicks were not around. I might go again on Thursday so I that I can pick up salsa and dance with women outside, if I ever have an opportunity to.

I like ice cream..

I like chocolate ice cream with nuts in them. The chocolaty taste is blissful when combined with the flavor that the nuts release. I feel the need for a crunchy flavor along with the ice cream. Just eating ice cream does not cut it, chewing on the nuts makes the ice cream eating experience more enjoyable and satisfying. In addition, the nuts provide the necessary proteins, fibers and healthy fats that the body needs. To make it healthier one could substitute rocky road frozen yogurt in place of ice cream but one will have to sacrifice the creamy texture of ice cream in order to eat a healthier desert. Now one could also eat a low sugar version of the frozen yogurt but this curtails in taking some chemicals along with the sweet. However, if not eating too many calories but still enjoying a desert is the main goal, this would definitely get the job done.

Ideally, I prefer my ice cream in a big special cone, like the ones you see in cold stone’s. In addition, I like the big cones with a coating of chocolate since this adds to the flavor once you are done eating the main part of the ice cream and then take a bite into the chocolate cone along with the ice cream. The combination of the chocolate-coated cone along with the rocky road chocolate ice cream and the almonds just create the right mix of flavor and texture that sends the taste buds in chocolate heaven.

I also like bananas with my ice cream. Adding bananas to ice cream just elevates the flavor of the ice cream. It is like a catalyst that creates a much stronger taste reaction. I like chewing on the yummy bananas and then ice cream fills in the vacuum in your mouth creating a very powerful taste. Eating just a little bit makes you want to wharf down the whole bowl rapidly. Therefore, it is a good idea to talk to someone while eating this ice cream to avoid eating too quickly. Bananas and ice cream should always be enjoyed in others company to get a longer taste session.

Workday

The most boring day, I would say is just about most workdays. I am sitting in my cubicle wondering how the fuck I ended up here. What happened to my aspirations of working at Google, yahoo or Boeing? What happened to my goals of running achieving amazing technological feats, be a part of future, make the future happen. These dreams and thoughts get fainter everyday to point where it feels like never existed in the first place. How did I end up here working for the government? Mind you, I am not working for some exciting branch of the government where I am deciding over circuitry for high tech missiles. I am instead working at a place with a decaying power system infrastructure and with folks so ancient, they remind of fossils.

I wonder if things would have been better if I had stayed at Edison, even though a power company, at least it was a private company. I liked the nice infrastructure that they had, the fancy lighting, the expensive chairs. However, I think again would they have just let me go in an economic struggle, perhaps. Therefore, I have to my fate for having a job in this economy, even though a boring lackluster job, still a job.

I have to pay a price for this job, pay for it by enduring boredom. I have to try to make the best of what my work has to offer. I have to find innovative ways of keeping my work interesting and come up with some original ideas.

The boredom at my work makes people eat all the time. This explains all the fatties at my company. Every time I go to the elevator, I have to bear the sight of all these homely women hogging up all the room in the elevator with a plate of stinky food in their hand.

I can remember when I use to imagine working in a top engineering firm going to meetings, presenting groundbreaking ideas, dressed in sharp business suits and discussing the future with the sharpest people around. However, alas this is where I am and have to learn to enjoy the boredom for it is not that hard otherwise.

MBA LAW CLASS

I am having an interesting experience with this law class that I am in. I have to take Business law as a part of the MBA program. I find this class very interesting as I learn about new facets of law everyday. It is entirely different from my engineering school experience. I like the different unique cases that the instructor discusses. I was even surprised by some of the lawsuits mentioned in the books and how they became precedents for future cases.

Even though I like certain parts of this class, for example the novelty of being in an entirely different class which has no reference to engineering, I dislike many elements of this class. First of, I hate the tremendous amounts of busy work that is being doled out to the students in the class. I am not a busy work kind of guy. I never did busy work in engineering school. Of course I practiced problems after I understood the ideas but I did not go around reading different articles, briefing them, etc. I don’t mind briefing cases but turning a bunch of them in every week and doing a work book along with a class project is definitely overwhelming.

I now wonder if I made a mistake by taking this class first. The fact that I have been out of school for a couple of years on top of my general dislike to reading big books is making it very hard for me to catch up with the class. I did not expect an MBA program to be so taxing especially for part-time students. I am thinking it may just be this one class that is so time consuming. But if other classes in the program turn out to this way, then I might have to drop the program here and go to another school that is less taxing on part-time students who work full-time.

Also the fact that there are full-time students in my class is not helping my cause. These guys have all the time in the world and are all excited to do more projects.

No Electricity

Electricity is a recent discovery only ranging to approximately 250 years ago. What did people do without electricity? I want to discuss things one can do when there is no power. One can jerk off with a candle light and a playboy, no electricity needed there. One can go outdoors and play sports. One can play most sports in daylight without the need for electricity. One can go hiking and observe nature. One can appreciate and enjoy what nature has to offer better when there is no electricity and people have to go wander and explore nature. This includes activities like going to the beach, playing in the sand, etc. Many obese kids will become healthier since they have to go out and play with their friends. They can chase butterflies and enjoy the fresh air provided by the plants.

I am missing these fun activities by being a slave to convenience and technology. Thinking about this makes me want to build a house someday with a big backyard where I could hangout under the shade of the trees during the day while doing my work. This will enable me to be productive and healthy. I will also be happier and have a better mood.

I just remembered, a long time ago students were instructed under the trees in ancient India. I bet these kids picked up concepts quickly and were mentally alert from being outside. We need to rid ourselves of the dangers of modern conveniences like electricity and live a life incorporating a balance of nature and technology. Just chaining ourselves to electricity and technology will only the illusion of satisfaction but never true satisfaction.

Modern buildings need to incorporate naturally lighting as far as possible. This helps in reduction of energy bills as well as provides better natural light, which is better for the eyes and the health of the people residing in it. Usage of electricity should be restricted to tasks that truly need it when a natural option or source of energy will just not cut it. Buildings should also allow for natural ventilation as far as possible. However, in extreme weathers, one must include temperature control mechanisms. Someday I hope that truly nature friendly designs become a reality. In addition, people should be encouraged to perform activities that require little or no electricity during the day.

Indecision

I always have a tough time deciding between things. I fear making the wrong decision and facing the consequences. On many occasions, I am just not sure about which option to pick and I just wait and see. I want to make the best decision, which in many cases ends up me not making any decision. I make a decision along the way after sometime just because I am forced to as I don’t have enough time or I have to face the consequence of not making a decision.

This morning I woke up early, I don’t know what to do. I am not sure if I want to go back to sleep or go read something or use the computer to browse stuff. So after a little bit I go and lie down for a little while. Then I do not feel that sleepy anymore. I wake up and walk around and began thinking about what I should do. Should I read my Business Law book, or should I just go online and read stuff? Then I think maybe I should blog. I probably have not blogged so early in the morning in a long time, it feels good to blog early sometimes, since everything is calmer and you have different random fresh ideas. For a second again I think I should go back to sleep. I feel I may not have enough to write about. I then think that I should read 1984, but ah that book is taking forever, I think maybe I need to read something more simpler.

I finally decide to write a blog since all the other options including going out for a run either are not appealing enough or are too much work which I do not feel like doing. The blogging is work too but it appeals to me more than the other tasks at this time.

I am intimidated to call nfm many times. On many occasions when I interact with him my weakness’s or flaws are exposed. Yesterday after coming back from work, I have no clue what to do. Earlier in the day, this guy at my work and I exchange numbers. We both tell each other, that the other person should call! He wants me to call him, I wants him to call me. This is how it was Daniel too, we both want the person to call, but sometimes out of frustration I would call him or he would call me. Anyway getting back to yesterday. I think about what I want to do. I think I could read my MBA books, but the I think it’s Friday and nobody is reading and everyone is out socializing. I then think of reading the articles but then I think the articles are not accurate and I need to wait for the book. Then I think I should watch the ‘Watch men’ movie, but I am not sure if it going to be that good. I finally call nfm to see what they are doing so that I can go hangout. I am not sure about the drive. I call nfm and they try to help me with my decision. After getting frustrated with my inability they hangup hence making the decision for me.

I then decide to go eat dinner. After dinner I go back to my computer still not sure which is the best activity to be doing, so I just start browsing the internet, thinking something will come up while I am browsing the internet. I jerk off to pictures of hookers for a little while. After that I browse through different car websites and look at car interior pictures and after a few hours of looking I realize I like cars with wood and leather interiors. I also like the mileage from hybrid cars but they don’t have the cool wooden interiors. I decide that sometime in the future I should get a used car with a leather and wood interior.
The guy from earlier that day calls after nine o clock, I am already feeling sleepy. We decide to meet earlier in the day on Saturday if possible. After I little while I go to sleep, at least I decide that I have preference for wood and leather interior, so I can keep this mind when I am looking for cars or I could just wait for electric cars.

Validation, expectations

I crave for validation all the time. From when I get up in the morning to right when I go to bed at night. I am in a constant receive mode for validation. I am always seeking validation, sometimes even acting silly to get validation. I need a good source of validation. I don't validation from my parents; I need to seek it outside from people I know and strangers. I seek validation from both guys and girls. I crave for validation from girls even more, and do things just to get some validation from them. I don't get that much validation from girls, pretty girls, so any validation they give me is very significant to me.

I need to get my expectations met but without getting enough validation, it is harder to just get my expectations met. I need a constant supply of validation so that I can care for my expectations without being so desperate for validation. I try ignoring, not talking to women at my work, when they do not meet my expectations. But they just ignore me back and hence invalidating me. I find their invalidation has a more powerful effect on me since I value them so much. I understand they don't value me, and are not emotionally invested in me, but their invalidation and ignoring still hurts. I also find hard to ignore girls, I find it to be a mental stress and work to actively ignore women, especially at work. For example every time I see them we make eye contact, etc. it's hard to ignore them.

When I get try to get my expectations met with people, they just ignore me back and they too cut down interacting with me. At least they are not violating my expectations, but then I have fewer people to interact with. It's taking a little getting used to trying to ignore people and them ignoring me back. I am not used to this. I always need people to give me attention even if they are mocking me sometimes. I have to work on getting validating experiences outside of work, so that I don't crave for my coworkers validation so much.

In addition to not getting enough validation, I still don't get my needs met. I still have not had sex with a regular girl. It's been years since I have even made out with a regular girl. Female companionship seems like a dream that I can never get close to. I am frustrated with the state I am in, but I also realize how bad I am when I do interact with women, people in general. I go back to my old habits very quickly but at least I am aware of it. I need lot of work with expectation management, but at the same time I need to setup myself, so that I have some source of validation. The new leading exercise should help everyone in the class, because I really need practice leading. I still cannot decide what to do, where to go even I do get opportunities to be around women. And suppose we do go somewhere I don't know what to do after a little while to keep the interaction, date interesting. And my social interactions are still so dependent on the other person's socialization abilities.

My whole life, I have been a product of my environment not have the environment be a product of me. When I am around the right people, I do ok, I am motivated, etc. The moment I have a couple of folks who are a pain to get along with, I don't do so well anymore. I want the environment to be a product of me but that is going to be a lot of work. I have to be very orderly myself; else I will just give into the disorder that my environment provides. And being so orderly is going to take a lot of work, I have taken baby steps but I still have a long way to go.

LMU experience

I go to the MBA orientation at Loyola Marymount University. I enter the Hilton Hall, where the MBA classes will be conducted. I did not know the Hilton's are catholic, more specifically that Paris Hilton would be catholic! I see a hall full of MBA students and quite a few white people. I get a little nervous, hardly any Indians, I see a few Asians here and there. So I quietly walk to information booth and pick up my free t-shirt and brochures. I then grab a croissant, jelly and juice and get out of the way. I go and stand beside this pretty blond girl, but I am too timid to talk to her. So I just stand beside her cut my croissant nervously doing a really bad job cutting it. I then manage to slide in some jelly and I quickly eat it. Out of nowhere some sharp looking dude comes and introduces himself to me and we start talking. After a while a couple of students see us and start talking to us. My self-consciousness goes down a bit. I now feel like I am a part of some group in hall of strangers.

We are then instructed to go to another room. In this room I go and sit beside the guy who spoke to me, so that I don't feel alone. The faculty and staff go over key aspects of the program. I notice that all the administration staff, etc. is all female. Even the advisor is female. The director is female. The faculties make some bad jokes and everyone starts laughing. I am sitting in a pleasant big room but I am annoyed with the uncomfortable chairs in the room. I am surprised that such a nice classroom hall has such bad chairs that don't even move! Later the female administration make a presentation called good student vs. bad student which I think is funny to have in a graduate program. Everyone says please excuse my French before saying stuff like I worked my butt off, etc. which I find amusing.

After the presentation we walk around campus and I see some of the undergraduate students, they are a lot of white catholic girls walking around in tiny shorts and tank tops which is always nice. It is a very pretty campus, nice new buildings everywhere, looks very scenic. Unfortunately I will be going to class once a week at night so all the undergraduate girls will be in their dorm rooms and I won't be able to see them. But still I hope to gain some good experience from the program, as I have no business background and I have always been curious about a lot of business topics. It may also someday help me with a promotion at my work. In addition, I could use the campus facilities if I ever needed to.

August last Tuesday

I would have been many blogs ahead if I continued writing my blogs without breaking the chain but oh well there's always another chance. I have never written past nineteen blogs in a month, someday I hope to break that record. This week started off with a decent start. My boss did not come in so it gave me some peace of mind from constantly being watched. But I had so much work to do I wouldn't have even noticed him.

As I rushed to my desk this morning, I wished that someday I have a business of my own, selling something or providing a service I don't what but something someday. I will have the freedom to run the business on my terms no boss to fear, I will be the boss, no dealing with annoying coworkers only subordinates who will listen to what I say. Someday I hope to make this dream come true, but in an economy like this that dream keeps getting more obscure and impossible to do.

I wonder where all my outsourcing ideas went, where I wanted to start my own firm and outsource projects. I will be the mediator between the American companies here and the Indian companies in India. I will be overseeing the projects and I will make money by making a profit of the cheap labor rates in India and selling the end products/ services to the companies here at a much higher price. The optimism and enthusiasm to make these dreams into reality has diminished. I hope the zeal to make this possible will come back sometime in the future when the economy is better and I am wiser.

Ah I have joined the rat race, another slug in this corporate prison working everyday so that I can live for the weekend. But then again I think of the other options and realize maybe it's not that bad compare to going back to school for being a doctor or law school, both of which are a lot of work. Only option for me is to make my business happen someday after I am more settled.

Not Blogging, pussificaiton

I have put off blogging for a quite a few days. I was busy with work and did not get to the blogs. I am still busy with work, but I decided I am going to start writing the blog and see where it takes me. I am feeling lazy to write a blog, but then I was thinking how I am the worst student in the class. I cannot get my expectations met. I cannot create attraction. I cannot speak well and I cannot write well. I have bad expression to top it off. Also I am the foreigner in the class, so I have the worst chance anyway. I am also the laziest and most disorderly. I only react even though I have no clue about what I am doing. I have read the least number of books. All these factors exposing how bad I am motivate me to at least try writing a blog.

As I drove into work today, I was thinking the only reason I go to work everyday even though I hate the work environment is because of the paycheck. I deal with manginas and pussified guys on a daily basis. Everything guys do at my work or talk about is how to better meet the expectations of women and trick or use different moves to get girls. If I even speak about what about getting my expectations met, they look at me weirdly like where the fuck did this guy come from. I sometimes feel the three to four hours of manhood boost that I get every weekend is not sufficient to keep me going through the week in this toxic pussification environment.

My mom doesn’t respect my dad, she always insults him, several times in front of me. All of a sudden she will tell me “Mindrunner, you should respect women” I have got sick of hearing that. If I even point out how the woman caused the problem in a situation she described, she will go on with a “ she is a woman, you should respect women”. So there you go pussification at work followed by pussification at home is generally a typical day in my life.

Scuba Diving in Fiji

I love scuba diving in Fiji. It is so much fun. We go to this beautiful island full of luscious plants and tall palm trees. The people of the island seem so calm and friendly; they are in no rush, unlike the people in America. Moments like these just make me want to live here forever. We finally get to the point where we are going to scuba dive. It is taking longer to actually start scuba diving because I am spending so much time experiencing the beauty and nature of the island. I love the soothing breeze blowing across the ocean, it is so relaxing.

On approaching the Scuba diving point, I see a couple coming out of the water. Looking at the woman's shapely body in her wet suit is giving me a boner. The guy she is with looks like a douche. It makes me wonder how couples like this end up together. I head over to the scuba instructor and wear the wet suit. I feel the suit is a little too tight and I keep adjusting my suit to relieve my discomfort. I then put on the oxygen cylinders. They don't feel very comfortable either.

The scuba instructor is giving me instructions on the emergency procedures and what to look out for. I am now ready to jump into the water and experience the wonders of the ocean. I go into the water with a quick dive and there I am in this beautiful unexplored world full of water and mysterious creatures. I love seeing the little fishes of different colors and shapes. Being under water is a different feeling; you are in a whole different world. The water surrounds you like a loose blanket. I enjoy looking at the amazing white sand on the ocean floor and little creatures all over it. I then see a few bigger fishes at a distance. They just swim right in between the little fishes. I am hoping to see a dolphin so that I can play with it and give it a hug. I can ride it around and it can show me different parts of its world. But then again I am hoping for something which is very unlikely to happen. I am done looking around under water. It is time to get back to the surface. I go back to the surface and the scuba instructor pulls me out. I cannot wait to get this tight wet suit off and give it to the instructor. But I definitely want to scuba dive again. I will treasures these memories until then.

County Fair

I visited the county fair with my friends over the weekend. I am generally not a big fan of fairs but I was with good company so I went. Actually I don't mind the fairs here. I hated the fairs in India. There were too many people in the fairs there and there was too much dust. Anyways we get tickets and enter the fair. It is a cool day with the winding blowing, so I am glad I had my jacket on.

I like looking at the different little stores in the fair. It is a good break from the usual corporate stores which are so sterile. The little tent stores in the fair have more life to them. Fairs have been around for a long time and they make me think of the historic fairs in the Europe with the clowns and jesters. Fairs have always been a place of fun and activity.

I like the different rides that the fairs have. The Ferris wheel is always fun to go on. In India the Ferris wheel is a called the giant wheel! It is funny how we keep the names simple in India. In addition a man equine is just called a big doll. A tangerine is called a small orange. It could also indicate a simpleton's vocabulary. Riding the Ferris wheel feels like you are going up into the sky and then while coming down your stomach feel tight. I wouldn't go on a Ferris wheel right after a big meal. It's also fun to watch the little kids go around on the merry go round; I don't know what it is called here.

The mall also has a lot of pretty girls. These pretty girls in America grow up so quick; you would easily mistake these girls for being eighteen when in fact they are probably just thirteen or fourteen. It is fun watching them walk around in their cute little shorts and showing their legs. I wish I could go back in time and be a little boy their age so that I could be all over them.

The little ice skating ring is a cool activity that they have. I have not had too much luck with ice skating due to my bad balance. I might try ice skating again sometime. It is fun to skate while listening to the music in the background. You feel so free when you skate on ice.

After spending some time and money at the fair my friends and I returned home. It was a good experience and I cannot wait to go back to the fair when they have one again.

Cave

While adventuring in the Caribbean, I came across an unique cave on a lonely island. This was one of the biggest caves I was ever in. The cave was well lit in the beginning but got darker as I went in. The wind in the cave had a unique chilling quality and gave me the shivers. Luckily I had my backpack and so I pulled out a sweater and wore it. I was now better equipped to handle the cold cave. I then yelled something and heard my voice again; this cave was a great place to hear one's echoes.

The cave was very big; it was several feet high and about forty feet wide. The cave also had long narrow pathways that lead to other mini-caves. The cave walls consisted of some grey stone. The walls looked strong but I was easily able to chip some stone dust off the walls. The floor of the cave had a sticky feel to it. The texture of the floor was like a squishy carpet. Each time I took a step it would make squishy sound, which was annoying at times. The cave was quiet in most areas but in some corners I could hear the wind howling. The howling wind did give parts of the cave a creepy feeling. It sounded like someone was whispering something.

The cave had little plants which had greenish yellow leaves. The little plants looked amazing in the little streaks of light that came in through holes in the cave. I was glad there were plants in the cave, I felt like I was getting fresh clean air because of it. As I kept going deeper in the cave, it got darker, so I pulled out my favorite torchlight. This torchlight has seen me through some wild adventures in the past. I pulled out the torch and shined it at a gigantic black wall only to see a whole bunch of big black bats hanging and looking evil. I turned off my torch light and ran right out the way I came. I know you were expecting more from the cave adventure but that is all I experienced on that occasion, more next time.

I just realized I am so freaking boring and bad at writing because I am engineer. In engineering one doesn't really look for personality conveyed or experiences conveyed. It's all about the information. I am so used to just looking for information. I have to change a life-time of bad training to write better; to add it to it the fact that English is a second language for me, makes it even harder. Engineers are boring. Nfm and KDDR would not be able to hangout at my workplace for more than a few minutes. It is full of boring nerds who think they are very smart. I have always avoided writing. Engineers dread writing, that's why they become engineers in the first place. I will have to work extra hard to improve my writing. I only took one introductory English class in my entire college education. I never wrote in India. I never read books or novels, the most I have read is PC magazine. This why I dread writing and I find it so hard to write anything. It is from years of never writing anything. I hope to read some books, practice writing more and someday slowly see improvement in my writing.

August 2nd Monday

I took KDDR's advice to get a novel and read it. But in the meantime I still wanted to continue writing a blog even though it will be bad. I will read a novel later in the evening. I read a paragraph from the 1984 and it seems like the author is very descriptive. He indicates what he is experiencing via his senses. He described the smell, he described that it was a bright cold day; he also described the time saying that the clock struck thirteen. Describing the clock striking thirteen could be considered more a chronological fact vs describing the smell which is more an experience or a reaction an experience. Sometimes I feel chronological facts and experiences can overlap. I am wondering if describing the clock striking thirteen can be considered part of the experience. Chronological facts are part of the experience but are not the experience itself. Again he is detailed in the description of his smell, for example he said that the hallway smelt like boiled cabbages and old rag mats. I would have just said that it smelt bad. I could ask myself smelt bad like what? And then answer that so that I can reference something else while describing the experience. Being more descriptive about things can help the other person get into one's experience better. I remember nfm telling me to be more descriptive.

So part of good writing includes writing about the reaction to an experience, asking oneself why one is writing something and answering that, and also being descriptive about the experience rather than making a surface level vague statement which is not very detailed and is incomplete. Using short sentences can help but then in order to be descriptive, I use long sentences; I have to learn to be detailed by using multiple sentences instead of one long sentence. And finally organizing one's writing is crucial, which is where I have a hard time, since I am so used to disorganization in all areas of my life.

Continuing, the author says 'at one end of it a colored poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall.' Again he is descriptive. I would have just said there was a big colored poster on the wall. I could start by trying to be more descriptive about things. I remember nfm's words ringing in my mind, 'Be more descriptive, be more descriptive.'

Being more descriptive, is describing what the eye is experiencing anyway and also what the mind is processing. I need to describe more details of different parts of an experience. Again I notice the difference in description in the way I describe to the way the author describes. I would have said big colored poster, but I have to ask myself how big, that's pretty vague just saying big. The author says too large for indoor display, this a more detailed description and less vague than just saying 'big.'

August 2nd Sunday Blog

Today I decided to write a blog on Sunday. I usually skip writing blogs on Sunday, it’s like a day off for blogs for me. I feel like this day I can take off from writing blogs, as I just want to relax and get ready for next week. I should use make the blog writing a part of my relaxation activities.

I decided to update my Microsoft Word on my Mac before I started typing my blog in Word. I skipped updating the software in the past as I felt it would be too time consuming and I just wanted to finish writing the blog. However today being a Sunday, I wanted to make sure my softwares are up to date. I like having my softwares up to date. It feels to good to have the latest and greatest software even though there may not be much difference, it has always been a habit to stay on top of the update game for me. I have noticed though during the past few months I have been lagging behind when it comes to being up to date on my softwares, playing around with new software, etc. Especially on my iphone I have not updated my applications. Also I haven’t synced my iphone to my new Mac yet! This is very rare that I do not do this, does this mean I am over the joy that I received from these activities or have I just gotten lazier. I think it is a combination of both.

For the first time in years, I have not yet installed Microsoft Windows on my Mac. I generally install it right away after getting a new Mac, but this time I have just not gotten to it yet. I generally only use Windows to play games and use some software that are only available on the windows platform. I liked playing the latest 3D games, I used to enjoy looking at the luscious graphics that my latest and greatest hardware would crunch out. Experiencing rich 3D games was a very stimulating experience. I like stimulating experiences like most people. Things have to be super stimulating for me to keep paying attention. I like virtual stimulation to a certain extent. I prefer going to Universal Studios to Disneyland. The virtual stimulation at Universal is definitely more interesting and engaging than Mickey mouse at Disneyland. The only thing I would like at Disney Land are some of the rides like Space Mountain which I haven’t tried yet, and hence curious about them.

Getting back to my word update. Something crazy happened after I installed the update. Word gave message telling me to renter my serial number. This was not good. I now had to perform research and fix this damn problem, which was killing my motivation to write a blog. Anyway I finally fixed the problem and got word running with the latest updates, I felt so good that I was able to fix this problem as it would have a big hinderance to write blogs on my home PC.

In the process of fixing this update problem, I tried apple’s pages software from the iWork 09 suite. This software is similar or Microsoft Word, except made my apple. I was impressed that the word count on the software works in real-time unlike Microsoft word 2008 which has a few seconds lag or it waits till you type all your words before it shows the count. Another feature I liked is the Full-Screen feature in iWork that gives you a white page with a black ground, hence cutting out all the distractions and helps you focus on your writing. It also shows the word count in the bottom of the screen, that’s the only information it shows along with the page no. info. I love the way apple has implemented this part of the software by giving me this blank page on top of a black ground with only page no. and word count info. which is all that I need. I am really impressed with this way of typing documents. Apple has managed to give you the simplicity of notepad but has implemented it a very polished sense. Implementations like this make me like Apple even more. I wish I had noticed this software before so that I could have experienced this cool way of typing documents. What would be killer is if apple had the blog template in pages, then I could type my blog in here and just click update, which would then update it to blogger. There would be no need to copy, log into blogger and then paste it. Microsoft Word 2007 on windows has the blog option but the word processors on Mac don’t have this option yet. I am hoping they implement more blogging tools into the word processors on Mac.

Another thing I found in iWork is that is does not have auto-save! I find this hard to comprehend. Apple creates software with some really cool features but then they forget to include simple features like auto-save. It makes me wonder what the developers were thinking when they were developing this software. Smart people can be some dumb sometimes. Features like these cannot be overlooked. I am sure it was not so hard for them to implement that, the freaking development time probably did not bother to include the feature in this version and just conveniently saved it for the next version of the software.

The other bad parts of the software that I disliked is the lack of the synonyms option on the right click menu. I find this feature handy while using word. Once apple implements these features in Pages it will be a lot better product. It makes me want to be the product tester for apple where I could tell them to make sure to include these simple and necessary features.

Overall I still like apple products and their operating system over PC and windows. My satisfaction with apple’s products has been higher than my satisfaction with any other products on the market. Sometimes I wish apple made more than computers and software. I wish they designed everything from toothbrushes to MiniVans. On many occasions when I came across certain products, I would think I wonder how apple would have designed this.

August 1st Friday

I had a little bit of an adventure getting to work this morning due to my relative's minivan getting overheated. I was driving on the freeway and I saw the heat indicator slowly creep all the way up. When this happened earlier I used to think that the vehicle might explode but I was a little more confident that the engine would not blow up this time, and just the radiator may bust but engine will not just blow up in flames. So I start slowing down but the heat indication arrow kept going up. So I finally pull over from the freeway. And I continue driving the car with heat indication just near the max! Phew I was sweating a little and a little worried since I wanted to get to work. I finally made it to a side street. I was relived to drive into to it. I parked the car by a curb and immediately turned off the ignition so that it could start cooling quickly. I waited only for a minute or two and started driving again. I could not afford to be patient since I was already late. I then continued driving and maintained a low speed in the right lane.

It heated up again all the way to the max, but luckily I approached a traffic light. So I shut off the ignition again. Then I turned on it again just after the light turned green. Surprisingly I was still pretty calm, I did not really panic that much, even though I was a little stressed about getting to work in that car. And in this worried state I ended up driving in wrong direction since I was not familiar with that street.

Something amazing happened when I made a U turn to go back the right way. The heat indicator stayed at the halfway point on the heat meter. I was like this is sweet, I then went back on the freeway, and the engine heat indicator still did not go up! I got off the freeway and the heat indicator went up again! I was puzzled; this freaking car had a mind of its own. I decided to go behind a truck in the right lane so that my van could get a chance to cool down at low speeds and it worked. I am glad I made it to work even with all those heat problems with the car. Cars like this make people appreciate the peace of mind that reliable cars provide.

I am not content with the quality of this blog. However I tried to avoid indefinite statements. A better job could be done with respect to describing experiences and reaction to experiences. And regarding the organization, I incorporated a basic form of organization.

While writing the blog I felt like using the word at least on many occasions, but I did not. At least is a word I tend to use frequently. Also while writing this blog; I realized how indefinite I am in general even with my verbal communication with a lot of people including my parents. I need to work on being definite in all areas of my life. I need to go on mission definite. But in order to definite I have to be sure of things, so I need to work on that too.

August Thursday Blog

What is my reaction to my experiences? This is the key. I am having trouble consistently writing with this in mind. I had an expectation management issue. I am going to include the expectation management issue in the blog. I am going to list some of the reactions in here. My coworker violated my expectation of not hurrying up and catching a bus and instead focusing on my behavior and saying that I needed to calm down. I reacted saying that I did not want to waste my time waiting at bus stops, qualifying a little. My coworker violated my expectation again and continued walking slow and missed another bus at which point I said 'This is retarded' and walked away. Later one of the coworker's came to me and said that I shouldn't let others push my buttons so easily and that girls are always going to push my buttons and if I react like that I won't get any girls, etc. I said that was not the point. It makes me angry, how these guys are so good at directing the focus on my behavior and also make me look like I have a problem?

I have the worst cubicle in my office. Everybody walks by cubicle and this gives me a head ache. I can't avoid looking at people because I am facing them at all times and they look at me. I feel like I am sitting at a busy intersection, with all the traffic rubbernecking to see what's going on in my cubicle.

I have different thoughts during the day but I cannot recall them clearly during this exercise and write them. I just spoke to one of my coworker's and I spoke so fast like a motherfucker. I was not happy with the speed of my speech. I wish I could speak slower and calmer, like the god father or a double O seven agent. I speak really fast to keep the other person's attention and also I am in hurry to get stuff out. I am anxious to convey what I know to others immediately. I am very impatient at times when it comes to letting others know what I want to say to them. I feel like other people have more self control than me. I visit my coworkers' cubicles more than they visit mine. I found this interesting.

My blog for Today

It took me ten seconds to come up with that title. It is different from my other blog titles. I like to change my blog titles at least to a certain extent so that it doesn’t look repetitive. It is mainly for own personal reason, to where I have a need to come up with something at least somewhat original and different from the last time, even if it’s bad.

I am thinking about what to write about in this blog. I could write about my reaction to my experiences I experienced during the day. To start off this morning, I needed some validation so I went to this guy’s cubicle and showed him my biceps because he invalidated me yesterday saying that I need to lift weights. He invalidated me again. I tried convincing him otherwise. I don’t know why I am still so concerned with trying to meet other people’s expectations and trying to convince them that I am a cool guy. This seems to a big habit of mine, where I keep giving all these reasons so that others think I am a cool. The reason why I do this is best described by KDDR and cannot be better said. So I am going to quote KDDR on this.

“You do know why. I talked to you about this last night. It's because you're a socially awkward Indian guy who craves validation. Since you can't get positive validation, you'll settle for invalidation. That way at least you're getting validated by with attention, even though it is at the expense of your self-respect.” – KDDR

I cannot get positive validation so I just settle for invalidation. I even further justify this by thinking that they are not invalidating me very badly so it’s not that bad. Maybe they are invalidating to validate but nothing can be far from the truth. They are invalidating to fucking invalidate. It’s funny I still don’t think I am socially awkward but when I approach girls or I am in situation where I cannot get my expectations met I am awkward.

Anyways, my boss called later and told me to sign the time sheets, etc. I felt good since he bestowed that responsibility on me. I am now stuck again thinking about what to write.

I had to go training with my boss. I found the training interesting in the beginning but after a couple of hours, I found the software that I was training on, not all that I expected it to be. I found the software tool limiting in its capability. I also found the tool old school. In fact I find most of the software and technology used at my company is old school.

I shouldn’t expect much since my company is a public company. I feel that we have old infrastructure and inefficient ways of doing things. Also I think my company does not invest in technology the way private companies do. I sometimes think that people at my company prefer to keep it inefficient. I find that no incentive is given for innovation at my company. All they focus on is an image of people working. As long as an idiot is sitting at his desk glaring at a screen or looking at a design, they assume they are being efficient. I find this finding of thinking very archaic.

I try to do my work with some innovation and efficiency but my boss does not even understand my work enough to see it! I find this pretty amusing and annoying at the same time.

I want to shed some light on the contrast of my experience at Edison (private company) to my government company. I walk into Edison they have nice lights, nice carpet, nice cubicles. I just the feeling when I worked in Edison. I felt like yes I am in corporate America. Even the people working there seemed more sophisticated and cool. Now let us more over to my experience at my public company. I walk in and the carpet is old and a nasty grey color. It reminds of the carpet used in the control centers in the 1960’s to land the spaceship on the moon. Everything gives me such an old vibe at my company. Old people, old carpet, Old cubicles. The people at Edison even looked better.

I feel that government agencies in LA seem to attract all the fat ugly women. I have seen much better looking women in private companies. I was later on the told that I could thank the civil services for having all these fat women in our buildings. Apparently this is expected in civil service jobs. It makes me think do they have somewhere in the requirement that the women have to be ugly and fat? I don’t think so. But how does this happen, it boggles my mind. I was thinking that maybe all the private companies hire all the pretty women and also these women don’t want to work in government establishments.

In fact I never pictured myself working in a government company but that’s were I ended up.

“As for your writing, in your next blog entry take out all indefinite statements. No more: "I guess this... I wonder why..." Make definite statements about your experience.

The reason you are guessing is because you aren't taking the time to ask yourself "why". Go back to doing the same exercise you did in your last blog using the "why" tool. Instead of discussing what you might know or don't know, figure out what you definitely know and write about that.”

I agree with this. I need to cut down the use of vague words like that. These seem to be my favorite words, I guess, I wonder why, I don’t know why. This also an indication of laziness in my thought process and an unwillingness to think beyond what I perceive on the surface.

I need to continue doing the why exercise so that I am surer of things.

First Monday of August

Why did I title my blog as the First Monday of August? I did it because it is the first Monday of August. I thought including chorological information like the time period of the blog would be important. Also I needed a title for my blog and this was the easiest way for me to come up with a name without much creative thinking or thinking too hard. Why did I think it was important? I generally feel that chronology of events is important to me. Why do I feel that chronology of events is important to me? I am just used to looking for the chronology of events in most things like articles, etc. But there are some areas I don't look for chronology, which is when I read or see something very creative. Actually I still look for chronology to a certain extent, but if the content is really good I forget about worrying about chronology.

I flossed my teeth this morning. It felt nice flossing this morning. My teeth felt clean and sanitized. I like removing all that gung hidden in between my teeth. The clean feeling that one has after flossing is priceless. I was also thinking about how I was making up for the years of not flossing. Why am I saying this? I said it because it felt important to me, it was like a breakthrough. I tried flossing with regular line floss but that was too hard for me to pick up. Then my dentist gave me a flossing device that he said I could find in the 99 cent stores. I tried it but it was too hard on my gums, it was convenient to use but not as pain free as I would like it to be. Then I started looking for flossing devices in drugstores like CVS, etc. and I found one made by Oral-B that glided easily between the teeth and came in a packet consisting of several flossing devices. So there it was two birds in one stone, I was so happy and proud of myself. I should have given myself a pat on my back, a 'self pat'!

San Diego Monday

I woke up this morning with a bad, I felt congested and I did not feel my best. Later today I will be driving to a calmer city called San Diego. I have heard some good things about this place and I have visited it a couple of times, it seems to be a nice place. Anyway I will get another chance to experience it this week.

Getting back to this morning, I was hoping that my cold would go again soon, so that I feel better when I am in San Diego. I misspelled and corrected Diego every time while typing this blog. I was thinking if I would have any cool experiences in San Diego, I hope to something nice happens. Actually I know I have to make it happen, but let's see.

The only good part about Monday's is the traffic is not that bad. The drive to Downtown LA is relatively pleasant and you don't to deal with slow moving traffic, constant braking and red brake lights. Also Monday gives me hope that this week will be a good week, another chance to apply the principles, get my expectations met and have good results. It gets the cycle started before you start waiting for weekend again.

Since my parents were not at home, I had to pack my own lunch; this was a problem since I was already late packing my luggage for the San Diego trip. Having a cold is an uneasy feeling, but overtime you get used to the cold. I mean it still bothers me, but it's not like super painful. It definitely is annoying, the constant snort going in and out and then sneezing into a tissue. Sometimes my voice changes when I have a cold, I like the way I sound at times, I sound calmer. I act a little calmer, since my body is spending its energy fighting the cold.

I noticed that my co-worker bought a green plant and kept it in his cubicle. Now I want to get a plant and keep in my cubicle. Plants are nice, their green color is soothing to the eyes and also they provide you fresh air. I can picture my cubicle with a bunch of plants. I will be breathing the fresh air and oxygen released from them and also my cubicle will be cooler which helps in the summer. The only problem is I have to remember to water the plants. I got plants at home once and I forgot to water them and they died. I am going to try getting plants for my office cubicle and see how it goes.

I checked out an Altima hybrid to take to San Diego. I love the silent electric engine on the Altima's. The air condition turned on instantly and the car was so quiet and calm. I had to turn off the AC since it was aggravating my cold.

I am looking forward to the San Diego training to see what experiences it brings and what I can do to influence those experiences, so that I have good experiences.

Online Dating

I felt like crap yesterday since I turned 26 and I still don't have a girlfriend. I was hoping to be able to attract women by birthday, it looked possible back in February, but I am still not there yet. I got up around 1 am last night and I could not sleep. I then went to my computer and browsed through the pictures of different hookers. Later I checked my email and replied thanks to whoever wished me a happy birthday. I then decided to look at free dating services like plentyoffish.com etc. I sat down at two am even though I had to go work next day and created a profile, I was feeling very desperate, like I usually do. I wrote a line about my interests and what I like etc. There was a section where I had to write about myself, I wrote that I like fun activities or something. I also wrote that I am looking for a girl who is fun to hangout with. I briefly explained my date scenario in one of sections which asked for it.

Anyway I created my profile and started looking at some of the profiles of members who were online and close to my area. I saw some profiles like Persian kitty, etc. I sent Persian Kitty a message saying that I found her profile interesting and that I would like to get to know. I also sent a similar message to some blond girl. I need to send a lot of messages to different girls. Also I need to be able to write better and express what I want to etc. more elaborately in an interesting manner.

I received a message from Persian Kitty around 3 am this morning, I am wondering what these women are doing up so late on this free dating site. The message said "Mindrunner, Meow from P K". I was like "what the fuck" is that all she could say. I am thinking I should send her a message saying that we should meetup for bowling or coffee.

I am still feeling not feeling that great. I hope I make some headway soon.

Social Circle formation and other stuff

I went to the community college yesterday. I looked at the different bulletin boards. The ones I found were mainly postings of books for sale. I went at looked at other bulletin boards and they were all books for sale. I was getting a little frustrated but I continued and went to the student center where I found some clubs and organizations. None of the clubs seemed like I would be interested in, but then again I have to look at the list one more time. They were clubs like the chess club, religious clubs, there was tennis club I think. These clubs would be easier to join if I was a student, but anyway I will email the president’s if I find something of interest. While touring the campus, I passed through the arts/dance building and noticed a dance class where there were a bunch of girls.

Most of the summer classes seem to be full at this college; I need to do more research at maybe another college, even though they are further away. The meetup groups I have been too mostly have older members, with a few younger ones. But I guess I could practice being social.

Moving over to today, I spoke to KDDR about some stuff at my workplace and how I am not able to handle it.

Later in the day, my boss asked me hangout with him after work, I actually wanted to go do something but I decided that it would be better if I hung out with him and I told him that I would. It’s the first time he asked me hang out after work so I did not want to let him down. We went over to bar/ restaurant with happy hours new our office. I ordered a burger and fries; he ordered the same with a drink. He was watching the all-star baseball game, I did not really have interest in the game but I just ate my burger and spoke about other stuff.

After a while my boss spotted a girl sitting by herself. He asked me to go talk to her. I was surprised that my boss was being to open with me, because he was little strict towards me, this was good opportunity to bond with him. I was little reluctant at first, but later I decided to go talk to the girl. This was a cute brunette. I went up to her with my orange juice and asked her if I could sit over there. She said, ‘yes’. I sat beside her and asked her what she was eating. She told me that she was eating shrimp tortillas or something. I later asked her if they were good she said yes. Then I asked her what she did, and other getting familiar questions. I tried making some statements, like you have a big bag, etc. but I was mainly asking questions, interrogating her. There were moments were I did not have anything to say and I just acted like I was watching the game. And then again I went into interrogation mode, asked which school she went to, etc. She was responding well, and asking me questions as well. Suddenly she slipped in a boyfriend in a sentence. I was a little turned off and then did not talk to her for a little bit. After a little break, I again asked her a couple of other questions as to what her interests are, etc. Then stopped talking to her, at this point she picked up the conversation and started asking me questions. It was funny, even though she said she mentioned a boy friend, she kept continuing the conversation. I continued the conversation, and then lot her about some things I like, and expanded on that.

We went on like this for a little bit, but I was not particularly steering the conversation based on the principles of manhood. I mean I was leading by asking new questions but was not really trying to get any expectations met, since after she mentioned her boy friend my expectations took a back seat. After some more talking she realized that I was not actively steering the interaction anywhere so she was loosing interest in talking to me or maybe it was time for her to go. So she paid her bill and told me that she had to go and it was nice meeting me. I told her that it was nice meeting her and that maybe we would bump into each other again.

I became a year older, my friends from India, etc. wished online. My brothers wished me too. But I don’t have any friends locally near my house to celebrate anything. I feel sad, I have become twenty-six years old and I can’t even attract women; get my expectations met, respect or anything. I am still very emotionally driven like women; I have high and low emotional states varying throughout the day. My emotional state is not every stable. I could be smiling one moment and then become sad, depressed in another moment. Some simple problems can cause big fluctuations in my mood. I also feel anxious at many times, when people don’t talk to me or answer the phone or act differently to me. I feel a lot of anxiety at many times. People can also very easily predict me. I still react even though I am trying not to show it right away. I feel like crap at times, I was hoping I would have a girl friend or something by now, but that is far from the case. My frustration is making sad at times. I did not tell most people I know that I turned a year older. I am at home thinking about how sad things are. It will be a year since I joined the site in August. I feel like crying at times. Sometimes I feel so hopeless, not matter what I do nothing seems like its going to work for me, or its just too hard and I need a lot of work.

Indian meet up

I went to the Indian meet up in downtown before class. I was looking forward to see how it would turn out. I was running late, so I was hoping they were still there. I was an hour late; I was almost going to give up. Anyways they were still sitting their finishing their meals. As soon as I arrived everyone looked at me, making me a little nervous. I head to the leader of the group and he told me that I was late. I told him that I had a tough time with parking and traffic, etc. He told me to get something and join them. The leader's name was Neel. I was a little nervous as one would be when meeting a new group of people. There were about 10 guys and 7 women.

I took my tray and went to sit beside one of the girls on my side, but when I got closer I noticed her big bag on the chair. So I thought of sitting beside the bag, but later realized that would have been weird, so I went ahead and sat beside a guy on the other side. I sat across this girl beside the other guy. The food was not good at this place. But the café seemed to be a historic café and it had been serving people for a long time over hundred years. This place was more for its history than the quality of food. I started eating my food and then spoke to the guy beside me. I asked him the usual questions and he told me that he felt like he saw me somewhere. I told him that I get that a lot. The guy's name was Jesal.

After a little while, the girl started talking to me. Actually I said hi and introduced myself. She told me that she lived in my city as a little kid before her parents moved. She seemed to be happy that I was from that city. She then started asking me other questions and was smiling and laughing whenever I said something. Her name was Renal. I was always saying something and being the social guy.

After a while the leader came over and spoke to me and told me what they were going to do, etc. He then told me that they were going to walk around the area. I finished half of my food and then walked with them. We took some group pictures in the restaurant before we left.

After we went out I started speaking to the leader of the group. Later I spoke to the other guys and the women in the group. Within a short period I briefly spoke to everyone and introduced myself to all the members of the group. I spoke to this lawyer woman, whom I also saw in the other social group. I told her I was going to come speak to her the other day but I did not since she was leaving.

We visited the different old theaters in the city. One of the not so good looking women said that one could conduct a wedding in the theater. Later she mentioned something that all that was missing was the guy. I then told her and the two other women that there are a billion people in India and that there are enough guys. Then one of the females said there are guys but not enough good guys, I said well they should go out and look, the good guys are not going to knock on their door. I don't why I said that. I was just talking to everyone about anything.

Later I got some yogurt when we stopped by some market. Renal got some orange looking drink; I asked her what it was. She told me that it was papaya and banana smoothie. I said 'eww'. She said, 'why you don't like it?' I said, 'I like banana's with yogurt' She told me that I wasn't that bad. Anyway later she started talking about another group that she was going to. This group was some sort of a green group. I asked her why she was going to the green group. She said that she was going to the green group since it was a new group. I made some joke about going green referencing pot and she started laughing. She told me that I should come. I told her that I was going to see my friends in Huntington Beach. I told her that I would come another time. I asked her what school she went too. She told me that she went to Widener University. I started laughing when she said that, I was like "Widener University!" Widener huh" implying the widening in there. She laughed and told me that she had never gotten that before. I told her that I went to narrower university at one point. I was walking beside her, she was really small and I felt like a giant beside her. The other guy Jasal was walking on the other side of her in front of us. Then I asked her why she came to California and she said that she was in long distance relationship with Jasal. In my mind I was like 'What the fuck' I was totally entertaining and talking to her and she was showing all this interest in me and the guy was there along with us the whole time. It was like as though he wanted me continue talking to her. There was no way I could have know that they were together. They never held hands; they walked with a distance between them. Even at the restaurant they sat on opposite sides and not beside each other. It was weird and she was asking me all these questions and was eager to keep talking to me.

Later I realized that some of the other women I had talked to candidly were also with other guys. I guess some Indians from India don't show public displays of affection. They don't even walk like they are together; they just walk around in a random order. Anyway our walk ended soon and I wished everyone goodbye. I then walked with Neel, who helped me find the parking lot where I parked my car. I told him that I am glad I came and saw parts of downtown that I would have never seen otherwise. I am glad that I did go and experience this event and see what it was like.