While adventuring in the Caribbean, I came across an unique cave on a lonely island. This was one of the biggest caves I was ever in. The cave was well lit in the beginning but got darker as I went in. The wind in the cave had a unique chilling quality and gave me the shivers. Luckily I had my backpack and so I pulled out a sweater and wore it. I was now better equipped to handle the cold cave. I then yelled something and heard my voice again; this cave was a great place to hear one's echoes.
The cave was very big; it was several feet high and about forty feet wide. The cave also had long narrow pathways that lead to other mini-caves. The cave walls consisted of some grey stone. The walls looked strong but I was easily able to chip some stone dust off the walls. The floor of the cave had a sticky feel to it. The texture of the floor was like a squishy carpet. Each time I took a step it would make squishy sound, which was annoying at times. The cave was quiet in most areas but in some corners I could hear the wind howling. The howling wind did give parts of the cave a creepy feeling. It sounded like someone was whispering something.
The cave had little plants which had greenish yellow leaves. The little plants looked amazing in the little streaks of light that came in through holes in the cave. I was glad there were plants in the cave, I felt like I was getting fresh clean air because of it. As I kept going deeper in the cave, it got darker, so I pulled out my favorite torchlight. This torchlight has seen me through some wild adventures in the past. I pulled out the torch and shined it at a gigantic black wall only to see a whole bunch of big black bats hanging and looking evil. I turned off my torch light and ran right out the way I came. I know you were expecting more from the cave adventure but that is all I experienced on that occasion, more next time.
I just realized I am so freaking boring and bad at writing because I am engineer. In engineering one doesn't really look for personality conveyed or experiences conveyed. It's all about the information. I am so used to just looking for information. I have to change a life-time of bad training to write better; to add it to it the fact that English is a second language for me, makes it even harder. Engineers are boring. Nfm and KDDR would not be able to hangout at my workplace for more than a few minutes. It is full of boring nerds who think they are very smart. I have always avoided writing. Engineers dread writing, that's why they become engineers in the first place. I will have to work extra hard to improve my writing. I only took one introductory English class in my entire college education. I never wrote in India. I never read books or novels, the most I have read is PC magazine. This why I dread writing and I find it so hard to write anything. It is from years of never writing anything. I hope to read some books, practice writing more and someday slowly see improvement in my writing.
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i approve of this effort except for last paragraph. like i said on the phone tonight, use your blog as a place for PRACTICING writing. the last paragraph was not practice for you. it was just you doing what you do best, finding another reason why you have problems and letting us know about it. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz. save that for the mindless chatter section of the M101 forum not your blog.
ReplyDeletei liked what you did with your description of the cave. it could be better, but it was a definite step in the right direction. there were frequent grammar errors. reading a book on grammar, and reading in general will help solve that issue.
focus on the details of description. use your 5 senses. bring the reader into your experience of the cave.
tomorrow. write a blog about the experience of being with friends at a county fair.
ex.
"We are at the Orange County fair. It is a hot day in mid-July and I am sweating. I can feel the perspiration soaked armpits of my shirt rub against my chest with each step I take. We are walking toward The Slasher, the most menacing ride I have ever laid eyes upon. While the sweat is disturbing, I lose awareness of it more and more the closer we get.
My friend Joe says that The Slasher is a kids ride, but I am not convinced. I can recall horror stories from my youth of grown men racing from its exit, screaming Bloody Mary at the top of their lungs. Their eyes black with fear.
Attempting to hide my nervousness, I fumble out the words, "L... L.... Look Joe. You, you go without me. I need to use the restroom."
He continues walking forward. "Not so fast," he says with a dark twinkle in his eye, his gaze fixed upon The Slasher. "The rides got a short line, you can hold it until after."
"No, really. It's Okay..."
He interrupts with an arm heaved carelessly over my shoulder, pulling me along with him. "Come on, buddy boy. This is gonna be the ride of our lives."
Joe is a man of little fear. He has a reckless nature that leads him headstrong into things, heedless of the consequences. While this tends to get him into unpleasant circumstances every so often, I would still consider the trait an asset...."
you get the point.
I almost forgot, be sure you write in the present tense. Not past tense like you did in this blog entry. See my example above.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand, are you not supposed to write in past tense, since the event has already occured in the past. Even my Fr's etc. I write it in past tense since the event was in the past.
ReplyDeletethis is an imaginary event. it hasn't happened, it isn't happening, it won't ever happen. the point is to describe the event as if it is happening real time. is 1984 written in past tense? no. it's written as if everything is a stream of present events that are occurring as you read the book. like i said, see my example.
ReplyDelete