My blog for Today

It took me ten seconds to come up with that title. It is different from my other blog titles. I like to change my blog titles at least to a certain extent so that it doesn’t look repetitive. It is mainly for own personal reason, to where I have a need to come up with something at least somewhat original and different from the last time, even if it’s bad.

I am thinking about what to write about in this blog. I could write about my reaction to my experiences I experienced during the day. To start off this morning, I needed some validation so I went to this guy’s cubicle and showed him my biceps because he invalidated me yesterday saying that I need to lift weights. He invalidated me again. I tried convincing him otherwise. I don’t know why I am still so concerned with trying to meet other people’s expectations and trying to convince them that I am a cool guy. This seems to a big habit of mine, where I keep giving all these reasons so that others think I am a cool. The reason why I do this is best described by KDDR and cannot be better said. So I am going to quote KDDR on this.

“You do know why. I talked to you about this last night. It's because you're a socially awkward Indian guy who craves validation. Since you can't get positive validation, you'll settle for invalidation. That way at least you're getting validated by with attention, even though it is at the expense of your self-respect.” – KDDR

I cannot get positive validation so I just settle for invalidation. I even further justify this by thinking that they are not invalidating me very badly so it’s not that bad. Maybe they are invalidating to validate but nothing can be far from the truth. They are invalidating to fucking invalidate. It’s funny I still don’t think I am socially awkward but when I approach girls or I am in situation where I cannot get my expectations met I am awkward.

Anyways, my boss called later and told me to sign the time sheets, etc. I felt good since he bestowed that responsibility on me. I am now stuck again thinking about what to write.

I had to go training with my boss. I found the training interesting in the beginning but after a couple of hours, I found the software that I was training on, not all that I expected it to be. I found the software tool limiting in its capability. I also found the tool old school. In fact I find most of the software and technology used at my company is old school.

I shouldn’t expect much since my company is a public company. I feel that we have old infrastructure and inefficient ways of doing things. Also I think my company does not invest in technology the way private companies do. I sometimes think that people at my company prefer to keep it inefficient. I find that no incentive is given for innovation at my company. All they focus on is an image of people working. As long as an idiot is sitting at his desk glaring at a screen or looking at a design, they assume they are being efficient. I find this finding of thinking very archaic.

I try to do my work with some innovation and efficiency but my boss does not even understand my work enough to see it! I find this pretty amusing and annoying at the same time.

I want to shed some light on the contrast of my experience at Edison (private company) to my government company. I walk into Edison they have nice lights, nice carpet, nice cubicles. I just the feeling when I worked in Edison. I felt like yes I am in corporate America. Even the people working there seemed more sophisticated and cool. Now let us more over to my experience at my public company. I walk in and the carpet is old and a nasty grey color. It reminds of the carpet used in the control centers in the 1960’s to land the spaceship on the moon. Everything gives me such an old vibe at my company. Old people, old carpet, Old cubicles. The people at Edison even looked better.

I feel that government agencies in LA seem to attract all the fat ugly women. I have seen much better looking women in private companies. I was later on the told that I could thank the civil services for having all these fat women in our buildings. Apparently this is expected in civil service jobs. It makes me think do they have somewhere in the requirement that the women have to be ugly and fat? I don’t think so. But how does this happen, it boggles my mind. I was thinking that maybe all the private companies hire all the pretty women and also these women don’t want to work in government establishments.

In fact I never pictured myself working in a government company but that’s were I ended up.

“As for your writing, in your next blog entry take out all indefinite statements. No more: "I guess this... I wonder why..." Make definite statements about your experience.

The reason you are guessing is because you aren't taking the time to ask yourself "why". Go back to doing the same exercise you did in your last blog using the "why" tool. Instead of discussing what you might know or don't know, figure out what you definitely know and write about that.”

I agree with this. I need to cut down the use of vague words like that. These seem to be my favorite words, I guess, I wonder why, I don’t know why. This also an indication of laziness in my thought process and an unwillingness to think beyond what I perceive on the surface.

I need to continue doing the why exercise so that I am surer of things.