I visited the county fair with my friends over the weekend. I am generally not a big fan of fairs but I was with good company so I went. Actually I don't mind the fairs here. I hated the fairs in India. There were too many people in the fairs there and there was too much dust. Anyways we get tickets and enter the fair. It is a cool day with the winding blowing, so I am glad I had my jacket on.
I like looking at the different little stores in the fair. It is a good break from the usual corporate stores which are so sterile. The little tent stores in the fair have more life to them. Fairs have been around for a long time and they make me think of the historic fairs in the Europe with the clowns and jesters. Fairs have always been a place of fun and activity.
I like the different rides that the fairs have. The Ferris wheel is always fun to go on. In India the Ferris wheel is a called the giant wheel! It is funny how we keep the names simple in India. In addition a man equine is just called a big doll. A tangerine is called a small orange. It could also indicate a simpleton's vocabulary. Riding the Ferris wheel feels like you are going up into the sky and then while coming down your stomach feel tight. I wouldn't go on a Ferris wheel right after a big meal. It's also fun to watch the little kids go around on the merry go round; I don't know what it is called here.
The mall also has a lot of pretty girls. These pretty girls in America grow up so quick; you would easily mistake these girls for being eighteen when in fact they are probably just thirteen or fourteen. It is fun watching them walk around in their cute little shorts and showing their legs. I wish I could go back in time and be a little boy their age so that I could be all over them.
The little ice skating ring is a cool activity that they have. I have not had too much luck with ice skating due to my bad balance. I might try ice skating again sometime. It is fun to skate while listening to the music in the background. You feel so free when you skate on ice.
After spending some time and money at the fair my friends and I returned home. It was a good experience and I cannot wait to go back to the fair when they have one again.
Posts
1) don't use anyways as a transition. it makes what you were last saying seem unimportant.
ReplyDeleteand work on your transitions in general. when you are writing you are leading a person. in good writing you make it easy for the person to follow you. you hold their hand and guide them through an experience rather than expecting them to follow you while you run around in all different directions, causing confusion. consider how this parallels your behavior in person.
2) this idea also applies to your paragraph structure. your paragraphs are full of differing ideas that don't support the topic of the paragraph. each paragraph is supposed to concern one idea. yours go off in all different direction showing a lack of organization. see how this paragraph was all about paragraphs, while my first paragraph was about using "anyways" as a transition and second paragraph expanded on the idea of transitions in general. that's how paragraphs are supposed to function.
3 i want you to focus more on describing "the moment." what is happening right now in your imaginary scene, using your 5 senses. i want you to describe each detail, how hot is the ground, is it made of asphalt or dirt. what is around you. what type of people are here. what types of nationalities are they. etc. focus on describing the moment you are in and avoid all the extraneous commentary for now.
4) avoid contradicting yourself. in the first paragraph you start by saying you don't like fairs, then you say contradict yourself and say you do but only american fairs and not indian ones. you should just state that in the first place without the contradiction.
you do the same thing in conversations. you say one thing and then contradict yourself immediately after. that shows you lack a definite opinion on the subject you are discussing. take the time to investigate your views. if you're not sure about something investigate it until you are sure.