June 1 st week - Thursday Blog

I wanted to check out club La Cave yesterday, since Rob said it was good Wednesday nights. I called Rob but I think he was busy. Anyways I had to go to work today so I it probably worked out.

I brought in donuts today at my work. My boss has been telling me to bring them for a while. I finally brought them.

My self-improvement is very slow. There are many areas that I need to work on. I am slowly trying to react with anger to everything. Also slowing down my speech, I try to remember to do it about once a day. Actually that area I still revert back to my old ways very quickly. All these years I am used to talking fast to keep the other person's attention, it's going to take a while to fix this.

I thought about the way I act with other people. I expect people to be nice to me, but when I think about I probably don't come off so nice myself to others. I have a double standard to a certain extent. I just expect people to be nice, but I don't really care to be that nice. I mean I don't mind giving it, but cannot take it myself many times.

I am thinking about what else to write. I am still frustrated with my situation. But I haven't really been doing anything actively. I have however been more aware of interactions with people. I hope to start doing this mission soon; I am still a little scared. But reactions I got when I tried it last week with the instructors were good. So it does motivate me to try it out. My contest mentality is not helping right now. With no one doing the missions, I don't feel like doing them or I have no one else to look up to get motivated. I need more self motivation to go out there myself and have good interactions. I am not there yet. Maybe I should give Rebellious a call and do missions with him, since Rob is tied and busy with his new girl friend.