Self-Reflection

 

I have such a need to talk too much, and try to be funny just to get some validation. I always have stuff to say, but not well thought about. I generally have surface level thoughts. I dwell in situational thinking and tend to lose focus on the bigger picture. I need to start thinking in terms of principles and rather than situations. I only see the end results and make assumptions based on that. I don't generally see beyond and see the larger effects in the background that produced those results.

    I am also so easily affected by situations. If I understood what really was happening behind my social interactions, and just fret on the results, I would be off in my interactions.

I don't have a girl right now. I started thinking about coworkers when she talked about cheating on her husband. I told her that I would go out with her if she wanted. But she is just beating around the bush, and saying that there is not enough time, etc. Anyways she says she's not sure. Also she is one of these girls who is always around guys being in the engineering profession and she enjoys constant male attention and the attention from all the different wussy guys in the office. There is another girl on my floor but then again I do not want to mess around at work and so I hardly talk to her. This girl talking about cheating got me turned on. Ah! I need to go out and talk to some girls, I cannot be thinking about the women at work.

    In the past and now when I think about one particular woman I have a chance with, I obsess about her for a while. I don't feel I am emotionally very stable, the smallest things can upset me, I react to everything. I trying to see the bigger concepts and not react to everything. Sometimes when I am feeling low I even get upset when people don't answer my phone. I fail to see that they recognize that they may be busy, etc. My thinking is vastly affected by the emotional state I am in. When I am in a good mood, I am pretty logical and see the reasons why things happen, etc. But then when I am in an emotional mood, I don't see the reasons and get anxious over all situations. I am going to end the blog now.