Self Reflection turned into a rant on Rob block

I am an emotional person. I get caught in the situations and dwell over little things and forget to see the big picture. I am also very vindictive. If someone affects me or hurts me or causes pain to me in any manner, I have very strong feelings of revenge. I hate the fact that Rob has cock blocked me on numerous occasions, in spite of making it clear that he should not be doing that. I am surprised that Ninja did not say anything when he cock blocked me again at the night of the party. Before that he cock blocked me outside a bar. He always would come in and talk to the girls I spoke too. He made me look like a dork by telling them that I wanted to ask the girls something, like I am such a loser I can’t even say it to them directly. I can’t believe I almost fought with Franchise so that he could make out in the dark with the girl. I even high fied him infront of the girl to make him look good. After all that he comes and tries to dance with the girl I was talking to and tries to do that annoying grind dance or whatever. The other night he tried to make me look bad infront of telling the cougar that she is was a cougar, I know she is a cougar, but the tone he said it in, again making me look bad. Today when that bitch told me to shut up, he said hey hey. And then he told Ninja that the women said hold on to me when infact she told me to shut up. I understand I was in the wrong today since she is Ninja’s neighbor but I always feel like he doesn’t give a shit about me, he just wants to try to take the girl, or make himself look good infront of the girl at my cost. He tells me that I am a good wing, that’s because when I notice that he is interested in a girl, I walk away or I don't try to control the interaction, I try to make him look better not me unlike him. I never say he is a good wing or anything of that sort, infact he is a cock blocker, a Rob blocker. I used to like doing missions with Rob, but his putting me down, does not make me wanna hangout with him alone without Ninja present, I mean I still hangout but then the resentment is in the back of my mind. Anyways I should be self-reflecting which I need to continue in another blog. This night when I drove back home I was in some kind of weird emotional state and even though I got coffee, I did not drink it or listen to music, I just drove home in an emotional state.

Also I found it annoying when he was trying to create more drama with me and KDDr by acting goofy on the phone with KDDR and making KDDR more upset when we trying to find a club in Long Beach. I feel one should try to reduce drama, and not try to create more. His excuse of being oblivious, is just an excuse of convenience. Talking about excuses of conveniences, I have a whole bunch of them, I do that all the time. I have gotten so used to a life of laziness and come with excuses of conveniences in a moment’s notice. I have one ready all the time, ready to fire them away. I picked up a lot of bullshit excuses from my dad who is way worse than me. But there I go again blaming all my problems and frustrations on people around me. Even though they may be playing a part, the major part is the way I react to things. I am a very reactive impulsive guy, I don’t really think things through. I do things and then maybe think about it if I have a negative consequence. I need to do a lot more self reflection if I want to improve myself or I could continue blaming and being angry and emotional with everyone. I am trying to see the big picture or maybe I am not yet seeing the bigger picture, I see parts of it when nfm points things out. I need to read the POM again, and look at my interactions, and see the principles in play, rather than thinking just about the situations and reactions, without taking the principles into consideration. I am in this perpetual immature state, I need to grow up. I also need to think the problem of being phony. I use the excuses of convenience not to do things and make it sound like I really could not do something because I did not have this, this and that. It truly is the laziness, but instead I make up excuses which do not hold under thorough scrutiny.