San Diego Monday

I woke up this morning with a bad, I felt congested and I did not feel my best. Later today I will be driving to a calmer city called San Diego. I have heard some good things about this place and I have visited it a couple of times, it seems to be a nice place. Anyway I will get another chance to experience it this week.

Getting back to this morning, I was hoping that my cold would go again soon, so that I feel better when I am in San Diego. I misspelled and corrected Diego every time while typing this blog. I was thinking if I would have any cool experiences in San Diego, I hope to something nice happens. Actually I know I have to make it happen, but let's see.

The only good part about Monday's is the traffic is not that bad. The drive to Downtown LA is relatively pleasant and you don't to deal with slow moving traffic, constant braking and red brake lights. Also Monday gives me hope that this week will be a good week, another chance to apply the principles, get my expectations met and have good results. It gets the cycle started before you start waiting for weekend again.

Since my parents were not at home, I had to pack my own lunch; this was a problem since I was already late packing my luggage for the San Diego trip. Having a cold is an uneasy feeling, but overtime you get used to the cold. I mean it still bothers me, but it's not like super painful. It definitely is annoying, the constant snort going in and out and then sneezing into a tissue. Sometimes my voice changes when I have a cold, I like the way I sound at times, I sound calmer. I act a little calmer, since my body is spending its energy fighting the cold.

I noticed that my co-worker bought a green plant and kept it in his cubicle. Now I want to get a plant and keep in my cubicle. Plants are nice, their green color is soothing to the eyes and also they provide you fresh air. I can picture my cubicle with a bunch of plants. I will be breathing the fresh air and oxygen released from them and also my cubicle will be cooler which helps in the summer. The only problem is I have to remember to water the plants. I got plants at home once and I forgot to water them and they died. I am going to try getting plants for my office cubicle and see how it goes.

I checked out an Altima hybrid to take to San Diego. I love the silent electric engine on the Altima's. The air condition turned on instantly and the car was so quiet and calm. I had to turn off the AC since it was aggravating my cold.

I am looking forward to the San Diego training to see what experiences it brings and what I can do to influence those experiences, so that I have good experiences.

Online Dating

I felt like crap yesterday since I turned 26 and I still don't have a girlfriend. I was hoping to be able to attract women by birthday, it looked possible back in February, but I am still not there yet. I got up around 1 am last night and I could not sleep. I then went to my computer and browsed through the pictures of different hookers. Later I checked my email and replied thanks to whoever wished me a happy birthday. I then decided to look at free dating services like plentyoffish.com etc. I sat down at two am even though I had to go work next day and created a profile, I was feeling very desperate, like I usually do. I wrote a line about my interests and what I like etc. There was a section where I had to write about myself, I wrote that I like fun activities or something. I also wrote that I am looking for a girl who is fun to hangout with. I briefly explained my date scenario in one of sections which asked for it.

Anyway I created my profile and started looking at some of the profiles of members who were online and close to my area. I saw some profiles like Persian kitty, etc. I sent Persian Kitty a message saying that I found her profile interesting and that I would like to get to know. I also sent a similar message to some blond girl. I need to send a lot of messages to different girls. Also I need to be able to write better and express what I want to etc. more elaborately in an interesting manner.

I received a message from Persian Kitty around 3 am this morning, I am wondering what these women are doing up so late on this free dating site. The message said "Mindrunner, Meow from P K". I was like "what the fuck" is that all she could say. I am thinking I should send her a message saying that we should meetup for bowling or coffee.

I am still feeling not feeling that great. I hope I make some headway soon.

Social Circle formation and other stuff

I went to the community college yesterday. I looked at the different bulletin boards. The ones I found were mainly postings of books for sale. I went at looked at other bulletin boards and they were all books for sale. I was getting a little frustrated but I continued and went to the student center where I found some clubs and organizations. None of the clubs seemed like I would be interested in, but then again I have to look at the list one more time. They were clubs like the chess club, religious clubs, there was tennis club I think. These clubs would be easier to join if I was a student, but anyway I will email the president’s if I find something of interest. While touring the campus, I passed through the arts/dance building and noticed a dance class where there were a bunch of girls.

Most of the summer classes seem to be full at this college; I need to do more research at maybe another college, even though they are further away. The meetup groups I have been too mostly have older members, with a few younger ones. But I guess I could practice being social.

Moving over to today, I spoke to KDDR about some stuff at my workplace and how I am not able to handle it.

Later in the day, my boss asked me hangout with him after work, I actually wanted to go do something but I decided that it would be better if I hung out with him and I told him that I would. It’s the first time he asked me hang out after work so I did not want to let him down. We went over to bar/ restaurant with happy hours new our office. I ordered a burger and fries; he ordered the same with a drink. He was watching the all-star baseball game, I did not really have interest in the game but I just ate my burger and spoke about other stuff.

After a while my boss spotted a girl sitting by herself. He asked me to go talk to her. I was surprised that my boss was being to open with me, because he was little strict towards me, this was good opportunity to bond with him. I was little reluctant at first, but later I decided to go talk to the girl. This was a cute brunette. I went up to her with my orange juice and asked her if I could sit over there. She said, ‘yes’. I sat beside her and asked her what she was eating. She told me that she was eating shrimp tortillas or something. I later asked her if they were good she said yes. Then I asked her what she did, and other getting familiar questions. I tried making some statements, like you have a big bag, etc. but I was mainly asking questions, interrogating her. There were moments were I did not have anything to say and I just acted like I was watching the game. And then again I went into interrogation mode, asked which school she went to, etc. She was responding well, and asking me questions as well. Suddenly she slipped in a boyfriend in a sentence. I was a little turned off and then did not talk to her for a little bit. After a little break, I again asked her a couple of other questions as to what her interests are, etc. Then stopped talking to her, at this point she picked up the conversation and started asking me questions. It was funny, even though she said she mentioned a boy friend, she kept continuing the conversation. I continued the conversation, and then lot her about some things I like, and expanded on that.

We went on like this for a little bit, but I was not particularly steering the conversation based on the principles of manhood. I mean I was leading by asking new questions but was not really trying to get any expectations met, since after she mentioned her boy friend my expectations took a back seat. After some more talking she realized that I was not actively steering the interaction anywhere so she was loosing interest in talking to me or maybe it was time for her to go. So she paid her bill and told me that she had to go and it was nice meeting me. I told her that it was nice meeting her and that maybe we would bump into each other again.

I became a year older, my friends from India, etc. wished online. My brothers wished me too. But I don’t have any friends locally near my house to celebrate anything. I feel sad, I have become twenty-six years old and I can’t even attract women; get my expectations met, respect or anything. I am still very emotionally driven like women; I have high and low emotional states varying throughout the day. My emotional state is not every stable. I could be smiling one moment and then become sad, depressed in another moment. Some simple problems can cause big fluctuations in my mood. I also feel anxious at many times, when people don’t talk to me or answer the phone or act differently to me. I feel a lot of anxiety at many times. People can also very easily predict me. I still react even though I am trying not to show it right away. I feel like crap at times, I was hoping I would have a girl friend or something by now, but that is far from the case. My frustration is making sad at times. I did not tell most people I know that I turned a year older. I am at home thinking about how sad things are. It will be a year since I joined the site in August. I feel like crying at times. Sometimes I feel so hopeless, not matter what I do nothing seems like its going to work for me, or its just too hard and I need a lot of work.

Indian meet up

I went to the Indian meet up in downtown before class. I was looking forward to see how it would turn out. I was running late, so I was hoping they were still there. I was an hour late; I was almost going to give up. Anyways they were still sitting their finishing their meals. As soon as I arrived everyone looked at me, making me a little nervous. I head to the leader of the group and he told me that I was late. I told him that I had a tough time with parking and traffic, etc. He told me to get something and join them. The leader's name was Neel. I was a little nervous as one would be when meeting a new group of people. There were about 10 guys and 7 women.

I took my tray and went to sit beside one of the girls on my side, but when I got closer I noticed her big bag on the chair. So I thought of sitting beside the bag, but later realized that would have been weird, so I went ahead and sat beside a guy on the other side. I sat across this girl beside the other guy. The food was not good at this place. But the café seemed to be a historic café and it had been serving people for a long time over hundred years. This place was more for its history than the quality of food. I started eating my food and then spoke to the guy beside me. I asked him the usual questions and he told me that he felt like he saw me somewhere. I told him that I get that a lot. The guy's name was Jesal.

After a little while, the girl started talking to me. Actually I said hi and introduced myself. She told me that she lived in my city as a little kid before her parents moved. She seemed to be happy that I was from that city. She then started asking me other questions and was smiling and laughing whenever I said something. Her name was Renal. I was always saying something and being the social guy.

After a while the leader came over and spoke to me and told me what they were going to do, etc. He then told me that they were going to walk around the area. I finished half of my food and then walked with them. We took some group pictures in the restaurant before we left.

After we went out I started speaking to the leader of the group. Later I spoke to the other guys and the women in the group. Within a short period I briefly spoke to everyone and introduced myself to all the members of the group. I spoke to this lawyer woman, whom I also saw in the other social group. I told her I was going to come speak to her the other day but I did not since she was leaving.

We visited the different old theaters in the city. One of the not so good looking women said that one could conduct a wedding in the theater. Later she mentioned something that all that was missing was the guy. I then told her and the two other women that there are a billion people in India and that there are enough guys. Then one of the females said there are guys but not enough good guys, I said well they should go out and look, the good guys are not going to knock on their door. I don't why I said that. I was just talking to everyone about anything.

Later I got some yogurt when we stopped by some market. Renal got some orange looking drink; I asked her what it was. She told me that it was papaya and banana smoothie. I said 'eww'. She said, 'why you don't like it?' I said, 'I like banana's with yogurt' She told me that I wasn't that bad. Anyway later she started talking about another group that she was going to. This group was some sort of a green group. I asked her why she was going to the green group. She said that she was going to the green group since it was a new group. I made some joke about going green referencing pot and she started laughing. She told me that I should come. I told her that I was going to see my friends in Huntington Beach. I told her that I would come another time. I asked her what school she went too. She told me that she went to Widener University. I started laughing when she said that, I was like "Widener University!" Widener huh" implying the widening in there. She laughed and told me that she had never gotten that before. I told her that I went to narrower university at one point. I was walking beside her, she was really small and I felt like a giant beside her. The other guy Jasal was walking on the other side of her in front of us. Then I asked her why she came to California and she said that she was in long distance relationship with Jasal. In my mind I was like 'What the fuck' I was totally entertaining and talking to her and she was showing all this interest in me and the guy was there along with us the whole time. It was like as though he wanted me continue talking to her. There was no way I could have know that they were together. They never held hands; they walked with a distance between them. Even at the restaurant they sat on opposite sides and not beside each other. It was weird and she was asking me all these questions and was eager to keep talking to me.

Later I realized that some of the other women I had talked to candidly were also with other guys. I guess some Indians from India don't show public displays of affection. They don't even walk like they are together; they just walk around in a random order. Anyway our walk ended soon and I wished everyone goodbye. I then walked with Neel, who helped me find the parking lot where I parked my car. I told him that I am glad I came and saw parts of downtown that I would have never seen otherwise. I am glad that I did go and experience this event and see what it was like.

My first meet-up group experience

I am finally writing about my first social circle forming effort, thanks to nfm and KDDr. It was Thursday, I found this social group near my house and decided to check it out. I was a little reluctant at first but after I spoke to KDDR I went ahead and checked it out. It was some bar cum restaurant where they served appetizers etc. There were two guys when I first went in, the organizer and the assistant organizer. The organizer greeted me and the assistant organizer said hi. The assistant organizer a white guy with his beer told me in a condescending manner not to tell girls that I am engineer. I don’t think he really liked me. Later I told the guys that I wanted to go yoga and come back and I got a weird look from the white guy.

After sometime some people arrived and these guys tried talking to the women. I sat there kind of awkward at first. Then I sat next to a guy and started talking to him. I asked him usual questions as to what he did, etc. I told the guy that I use play and tennis and he said that he did too. After sometime a female came and talked to us and asked us what we did etc. Later an older big chick came and sat next to me and started talking to me. She told that she taught human anatomy at a college. I told her what I did, etc. And then we started counting the number of engineers. After sometime the guy beside moved to talk to a female, so an older woman came and sat beside me. I started talking to her and asked her usual questions.

I told the big women what I liked etc. and she said she liked that too. Later another guy came to the group and I found out that he worked at my company, so I asked him which department he worked, etc. After sometime the older lady on the left wanted to leave. Anyway when I was talking to big woman to the left of me, the older lady was to the right of me, the big woman would be laughing at times, and she tried to say something funny. I don’t remember what exactly I spoke with her but I found a big Indian girl across from me kept looking over every now and then. Most of the people at the event were not very attractive, there was won decent looking Persian guy and one average looking Middle Eastern woman. An observation I made was the drunk white guy was trying to put his arm around this other decent looking latin girl, but I could totally see that she was not into him and did not reciprocate anything. But he hesitatingly continued putting his hand around her shoulder and tried to kiss her ear, she did not see into and kept looking at others. Then the white would stop and try again and she would just there king of ignoring that.

After a while, the big woman and the older lady left. I spoke to the engineer from my company for a little while. Then two white girls came. It was blond and a brunette. The brunette was tall but had braces. Everyone in the group was older than me, they were all in their thirties. Anyway the blond girl came and sat beside me and she started talking to me. She was a nurse and was showing her cleavage. She was probably second most attractive but nothing other than being blond. She tried to a funny girl. I some ended up on the topic of squats and she started performing a few, and showed me her calves. I exclaimed “nice calves”. The she showed me her biceps for some reason; I don’t remember what I said because of which she did that. She was texting, while talking to me. So I told her that was quite a multitasker. She kept texting so I pointed kept pointing it out at which point I think she decided to let the brunette talk to me.

I told the brunette that it was my first meetup group, etc. She told me what that she grew up in Huntington Beach, etc. She brought about the topic of pot when I told her I have friends in HB. I asked the brunette how the blond and her met, they tried to be funny, stupid and said that they met in jail. Then she told me that she used write scripts for porn, etc. She and her blond friend were trying to be comedians. The blond friend told me that the brunette pied in the pool beside her so it was like she got a golden shower for her. The blond asked me to get her a drink, so I pointed to water. Then she said ok get me water with lime, so I told the waitress to get water. There was constant conversation at my corner, so the white guy would be staring at me every so often.

I told the brunette that I liked family guy and she said that she liked it too, etc. At some point I told the brunette that if she were in her twenties that she would have been shy and insecure. She told me that guys are programmed to say stuff like that. I replied saying I think girls are programmed to react like that. I said isn’t Jamie a guy’s name. She then said I have heard that a million times and it was lame and that she was glad she got that clear or something, in an angry tone. I got angry for a second but then I did not react and said “its crystal clear” in a funny animated way. And then imitated the way she spoke to me without getting upset, to the guy beside me. The brunette did not know what to do and got angrier. The blond noticed that.

After that they did not talk to me and spoke the other engineer. So I sat there for a bit and then I spoke to the engineer, ignoring them, the engineer kept speaking to me, while they just sat there and watched and tried to act busy. After I while I told the engineer that I had to leave as it was getting late. So I got up shook his hand, at which point the blond exclaimed no bye’s for us? So I went close to the brunette hugged her and said bye. She told me to drive safely. Then I hugged the blond and said bye. I then waved to white guy and his group who were sitting across and then walked away. I guess I’ll go back till I get kicked out of the group. I am thinking of going to another Indian group now, so I had to hurry while writing this FR.

Social Circling

I am still working on developing a social circle. I am looking through meetup.com over and over to see if any I can find any new events. I just found another group called the Pas. Social club. This group seems to be a local group formed by people working in that area, in order to hang out after work, etc. I don't know how I joined this group; I don't remember clicking join this group, I just happened to check out their event details on the site. Anyway now I am a member in the group. At least they did not reject me like that Asian group. They have a meeting this Thursday evening, I might check it out. I have not clicked on their RSVP link yet. I want to check it out, but it close my yoga class time, so I'll decide tomorrow.

Other than that I have just been looking on meetup.com to find an event that I like that is close by, etc. It takes quite some searching to find a particular event that interests me, since I have to filter through all the ones that I cannot go. I have not visited the community college bulletin board yet. I will try to do that this evening.

Other than this I cannot really think of any other ways to actively work on my social circle. I have never actively tried to form a social circle this way, it is new to me. The social circles in the past just happened to me passively since I was in school, etc. But even then I rarely got invited to BBQ parties, etc. Ever since I have been out of school I have been like a fish out of water and I am finding it hard to make new friends.

Hopefully this group on Thursday is fun, and I will try to check it out. It will be my first meetup.com meet up experience if I go. Other than that I have the Saturday Indian event to look forward to. I am not able to think of any other ways to meet people, but at least this is a good start. Hopefully I will go from zero socialization to some socialization.

Social Circles

Yesterday I tried to join an Asian meet up group but was not successful. The leader of the group was some Asian guy and I guess he did want to mess up the ratio of the girls is to guys or whatever reason he had, the cocksucker denied my request to join the group. I later checkout their group and saw that people who joined the group had answered all the questions, I did not answer any questions, I only answered one question as to why I wanted to join their group since it was the only one marked with an asterisk, I did not know that I had to answer all the questions. For the Indian group I don't think I answered any questions, and they let me in. I think fucker for the group just did want more guys or non Asian guys etc. There were no non Asians in the group. So anyway that was my social circle joining attempt yesterday.

Later in the evening I went to the gym. I went to the Pilates class. The instructor, a female is pretty friendly but she is married. I noticed a girl from the Muay Thai class in the Pilates class. I waited and said "You're the girl from the Muay Thai class" she just smiled a little and didn't say anything. After the class was over I waited for opportunity to introduce myself to her. I timed my walk to the door, so that I could meet her and then I introduced myself to her and kept talking with her and walked with her to the parking lot. Her name was Michelle, and she had been going to the gym since last year, etc. Then I told her that I will see her in the Muay Thai class and walked away.

The female fitness instructors at the gym are all happy to see me and they keep telling me to come to their classes. They probably do that to all the guys. Well at least I see the female instructors on more than one occasion. Even the male yoga instructor always says hello to me. After returning from the gym, I thought of going to the community college and checking out the bulletin board, etc. but it was too late and I had to do something else, also I was hungry.

The female instructor from the gym told me to come to her class so I am going to try to check that out tonight. My female single mom physical therapist wanted to work out with me so I might workout with her after the class; I also have to install software on her daughter's laptop, etc. After working out with her if I still have time I will try to check out the community college bulletin board. I will continue searching through the meetup.com website to see if I can find events coming up that are close by. I was invited by an Asian church girl to barbeque, etc. in Costa Mesa. I could still go to her group in Fullerton but that is too far, so I am going to try to find something closer.

Social Circle

Yesterday, I was thinking to myself that this social circle thing is so hard to do; I wish these guys helped me out more in me forming the social circle. In the morning I went to the gym, older women, married women in there. After the class everyone left. Also I go late to classes so I don't really get a chance to talk to the girls/ women before the class. I have been this way ever since I was a kid; I never go early to a class, so I always missed out on the opportunities to interact before class.

After the gym class, I drove by some local churches. I parked my car by one of the churches, but soon realized that it was an Armenian church and was probably not the best place for me to start looking for youth activity groups. Anyways I was in shorts and sweaty and I could not go into the church. So I head home, frustrated about the difficulty of forming social groups.

At home, I visited the different church websites to see if they have activity groups, still no success. Then I tried meetup.com, I kept looking but did not find something I liked or was convenient enough for me to attend. I was giving up, but then I got frustrated and went through the website again. I looked at some yoga, tennis groups etc. But they were too far, etc. I then found some groups that I would like, but they did not have activities listed in the near future, or the activities were shown only to the members. So I was going to give up again, but I held on and I found a feature on the website where I could see events that are coming up in the next few days.

So I looked at some events coming up in the next few days and I found a bowling activity. It's an Asian group that is meeting up for bowling, and then going for yogurt later. I was thinking this is a good group to start with. Then I found another group through this group, it was an Indian group in Long Beach and then through that group's page, I found another Indian group in LA. I won't be able to go to the Asian bowling group this week since my company is sending me to a class in Bakersfield and I will only come back Friday. But I will try to go the Indian group activity in LA this Saturday afternoon before class.

Today I showed one of coworkers the Asian group and he wanted to come with me too, so maybe next week I will check that out too. The Baskersfield plan just cancelled so I will try to go the events this week.

Bad Mood King

A bad mood is an emotional low state. Bad moods cause emotional pain and grief to a person. However sometimes bad moods enable a person to have more serious thoughts. So I guess bad moods at least have some benefits.

There was a king in historical times, who was none to be the bad mood king. One might wonder why he was called the bad mood king. He was great king who took care of his people but he had one bad curse, whenever he was in a really bad mood, he had to go to battle, at least go fight someone.

This turned out to be both a boon and a bane. Due to his urge to go battle when he was in a bad mood, he fought many tribes and kings and won huge areas of land and wealth, but at the same time he created a lot of new enemies. Also his soldiers were getting tired of fighting all the time. There was growing resentment among his army, but they still respected the king for all he had done for them, and kept fighting.

His bad mood wars enabled him to expand his kingdom to great lengths. His kingdom was flourishing because he had captured all key landmarks including important seaports. His citizens were able to trade very successfully because of this.

But later on the king’s bad moods very occurring too frequently and his army went to war even when it was totally unnecessary. Soon other kings came to know about the bad mood king and his condition. The other kings had secret meetings and decided that they are going to keep try to keep the bad mood king in a good mood until they overpower him someday. The other kings would send over clowns and jesters to keep the bad mood king amused. The bad mood king’s army men came to know about the jesters but they went along with it since they were sick of fighting all the time. So the bad mood king stayed entertained the whole time and had not gone to war in the longest time.

The other kings also sent over a lot of women, so that the bad mood king would be happy after having sex with the variety of beautiful women. Everything was going well until on one occasion one of the women who were sent over had a stinky vagina. She forgot to douche using pure water from the Nile River. The bad mood king liked eating pussy, so the stinky vagina made him very angry. He was very upset; he immediately summoned his entire army and head over to the little kingdom in Egypt from where the girl was sent. His army rampaged and destroyed everything they came in contact with. But they spared some of the beautiful women, who were later rounded up made to douche by the river Nile. The bad mood king then tried one of the women after the douching and his mood was one again elevated. This turned out to be an important lesson for the other tribes, who made sure their women always douched.

Bad Mood 6

What else do I write about bad mood? I don't feel like writing without any comments or feedback, I don't know if anyone is reading it. Bad mood, drama can cause bad mood. Bad mood gives one a headache. Ah, I already wrote about this. I wish there was a world without bad moods. Everyone would be all happy and no one would be getting upset at each other. Everyone can play along and live happily ever after. If there were a heaven it should definitely not have bad moods. Bad moods spoil it for everyone. I wonder how the word mood came up, that is using the word mood to describe one's emotional state.

I should come up with a medication to alleviate bad mood. I guess they have some on the market already. I have to come up with something that gives instant results. So a person is all grumpy and sad, and then they take my medication and instantly turn into an upbeat mood. A person could be thinking of going postal or banging his head against the wall, but when they take this medication, they immediately will start singing and dancing.

I wonder if Osama ever has a good mood. I always see him serious in his videos. Well actually I remember see him smiling while eating food in some video once. That reminds me, sometimes I see people who look serious all the time and wonder how they just go about being that way all the time. It just boggles my mind.

Anyways I am trying to end the drama with my female coworker. She gives is giving me constant bad mood. Yesterday she said everything was ok. Today she tells me that maybe we should not talk that much. I was like what the fuck in my mind. Ok, so we don't talk. But then later she is with this other Burmese guy, all laughing and shit.

Bad mood makes one a little nervous, or at least people can tell when I am in a bad mood. I show it very easily, I can't really hide it well. I am very apparent and predictable.