Christmas party at work.

I went to the Christmas party at my workplace. I greeted a few people. I saw a crowd around one of our new cute coworker's cubicle. I went over there and I saw two cute girls. One was my coworker and the other her sister. The sister was nice, anyway, I make some small talk with them. Then I went around wishing other office mates.

The sister was nice. She gave me a piece of chocolate. And she recommended that I try the cheesecake. I was a little nervous. I ate a little food. Then greeted my boss's boss and his boss. I was looking good. I was dressed well. I went back to the cubicle and all these guys were standing there. Anyway, I stood there and talked to the sisters. I did not know my coworker played tennis so I said "seriously, you play tennis?" she was all what, you don't think I play tennis? what does that mean etc? And the guys jumped in, saying hey man etc.

Later on, the two sisters decided to leave when they were not getting enough attention. They happened to pass by cubicle and were talking to one of my previous bosses. I went and stood by cubicle and then the previous boss who likes me pointed with his face, implying I should go out with one of the two sisters. I said oh yah the young is really nice. I did not want to hit on the older one as she works with me. Then the older sister was like NOO she's my younger sisters. I said oh yah the younger was good, and that she played tennis.

The older sister, then said no she is only 18. I said that's perfect, I am 19. And I said you so nice, its perfect. Then she started saying I know you want cute, nice and rich. I am not rich etc. I started qualifying. I said having a real high score on one compensates for the other two. She said "OH" or something. Then the younger sister started saying, I am not that nice. etc.

I have this problem where I emotionally invest in a girl, even if they are a little bit friendly with me. But I did want to say the truth I did feel a little attracted to her, that is why the other guys were lined up. I said what they were thinking.

I felt great when I was around my coworkers. Everyone validating me, the fact that I hit on her etc. and actually was encouraged to hit on her by my previous boss. All this made me feel so good. But then later when they and left and I left and head home. I felt bad, I reached my apartment, I was alone. I realize I probably will not see her again. The validation spike was good, I wish I had sure more value during the interaction, and not go into clown mode, trying to impress them by saying funny things. Now I need to move on with my manhood development.

today was quite a day

I woke up late as I finally had a day off, after a long time. It is getting so god damn cold in the morning. I miss the warm mornings in india. I could never stay past 7 am in india as it would get so warm. It was so easy to get up in the morning over there. Anyways getting back to here, I finally woke up around 10 am.

I was feeling a little lazy, I woke up, went back to bed and then woke up again around 10:30 am. I brushed my teeth etc. and then played on my Wii. I actually finally got a chance to commission my Wii. My TV is broken, thanks to my mom constantly watching her india shows with a bad signal. So I attached the Wii to an old projector that I had. It was fun playing the wii with a big image on the wall. Except I had to stand to the side a little, otherwise I was causing shadows on the image.

I practiced some yoga exercises from the wii fit menu. I did about ten minutes of it. I also played the soccer ball head butt game for a couple of minutes. I did ten minutes as the wii fit character advises that I do at-least ten minutes of fitness at a time.
The yoga stretches helped me with my back problem. I like yoga, its not that exerting, yet it is very beneficial. I finally am learning and appreciating the true benefits of yoga. I use to have the immature attitude that flexibility is only of girls and guys like me don't need that. I was so wrong. Everyone needs it, including people who lift weights regularly.

I was also feeling a little lazy to go do the mission. I went and got a subway sandwich with a coupon my dad had saved. I later got a call from Rob who wanted to do the mission. I was glad then, as it was motivating to actually be able to go out and do the mission. We finally met at cerritos mall, I had a chance to do my mission, but Rob didn't get through too much of his mission. Later I couldn't find my car, after a lot of looking for it, etc. I found it in the evening, I found that by mistake I parked at one place and was looking for the car in another place close to it but not exactly where it was located. It was such a relief to finally find my car. End of this post.

thursday before christmas week

Today was the last day of my work. My boss gave me and my co-worker lot of chocolates. My co-worker opened his chocolates. I started eating his chocolates. I ate about ten chocolates. These chocolates were good. These were the nice tasting one, with chocolate and peanuts. They come wrapped in a golden wrapper and are like chocolate balls. They have a big nut covered by chocolate cream on the inside. Crunchy chocolate and peanuts on the outside and nice big nut on the side with chocolate cream. ummm, these taste soo goood.

Now my stomach is paining as I ate so many. I still feel like eating one more. I haven't eaten one for an hour. I have started drinking water, to try to digest all the chocolate I have eaten. I am hoping the water will help cut down the stomach burn caused by eating all these chocolates.

The problem with these sweets are they give temporary pleasure, I mean its a good pleasure, but then you later you feel empty. You need more pleasure (sweet) and then again lows. Damn it, eat sweet, get sugar highs, then sugar lows. I wish food thats good for you, like spinach tasted so good like chocolates. Why is it always that things that are bad for you taste good and things that are good for you taste bad? One has to work harder to make things that are good for you taste good!

For example vegetarian food is good for you. Except your sources of protein are limited to nuts, beans, legumes,etc. But then again making vegetarian taste is a lot of work.I have tried all the garden burger, soy nuggets, soy dogs, etc. most of them taste like crap. A few taste ok. Some taste like freaking chemicals, in your mouth.

I just ate another one, oh god, my stomach is hurting again. I hope I am able to go to yoga later. I already feel so weird in my stomach. I think I must go to yoga, but I might have trouble performing the poses. I should go since I missed yoga yesterday too.

get upset easily

I got upset at myself today for missing the yoga class. Finally I was seeing the benefits of yoga. And I did not go to class. This messes up the flexibility needed for tomorrow's class. I am on a computer, the whole freaking day, so doing yoga, etc. helps align everything.

I get so ticked of sometimes when things go wrong, a little. So many times, I have an all or nothing attitude, I rather do everything right or not do anything at all. I hate missing things, I need to have everything in order sometimes to keep doing stuff.

Today was another day. It was raining, so I did not go do my mission. I did not even do the validaiton list in my car. And now since I missed the yoga class, I am not going to the other ab fitness in the evening at my work.

I finished FEM I and FEM II, I need to read FEM III. Then continue reading the remaining atrticles. I have cut down social interaction with my co-workers, until I get my social interaction right. Becuase I end up falling into the same bad patterns when I talk too much with them. I am a talketive guy, I like to talk a lot, but most of the time its nonsense and silly stuff.

In the evening, I got an idea, that I should check out bickram yoga. I might go check it out in pasadena, excpet its so god damn cold. It makes sense, time to go back to my roots, yoga! Hopefull theres some chicks wearing minimal clothing at this place. Will find out!

Yoga and martial arts membership is more expensive than 24 hour fitness, but I guess it better. I think I should try it out. Bikram yoga is good, don't need much equipment, shoes, t-shirt, nothing. just shorts!

While I was typing this my dorky friend interupts me, messes up fucking flow of ideas.I am trying to meet the 350 word requirement. I can;t belive I am having trouble ending the post, when I am nearing the 350 word limit.

work bitches

My other female coworker keeps complaining that its cold, so we decide to move, then she says it’s ok. I was like wtf in my mind, she say its cold and then when we agree to move, she says its ok, we don’t have to. why bring it up in the first place, if she didn’t want to move. But this female coworker is the best of the lot among the females.


My coworker is a stupid female. She is very good at acting coy. She does not give out any information or knowledge. Talks in very low voice and does not speak clearly, if asked something she says stuff in a incoherent manner, that doesn’t make sense. I tolerated this bitch because I work with her and need her on joint projects. Also I was a loser who didn’t have any females in my life so I started hanging out with her, even though she is not the most attractive and she is married and we work together. I have been tempted to bang her many times, but have not given into the urge.

She and the other two bitches and the only few females on my floor. It’s mainly old guy’s at my workplace. So when we even see a regular looking girl at our office we get all excited, as though we have saw some smoking hot babe. It’s like when you have a girl in a prison all the horny guys want to do her even though she may not be the most attractive woman. Female engineers, yah baby generally no glam dolls here.

The worst bitch is my boss. She is an all-American black bitch. She is and acts like a man. She is a she male. She performs her functions like a male. She walks around with boots like a man, takes big long steps like guys. Wears jeans and t-shirt. Nothing feminine about this bitch. It seems she buys her clothes at Costco no fitting room, nothing, just like guys. She walks around with a whole bunch of keys making a stupid noise along with her boots. So these are bitches I work with. I need to stop hanging around the other two dumb bitches. Since I had no women, I would hang out with my quiet coy female coworker. Saying stupid jokes and trying to impress and make these bitches laugh.

stupid female coworker

Also when I am around people, who know me, friends, co-workers etc. my old habits are reinforced. I have cut down my social interaction a little so that I can understand and practice my mandhood. I need to be away by myself only practicing my manhood, meet with nm and doing my missions. I don’t think there has been a single day, where I have been able to do it all. My daily blog, my mission, my validation list twice, my mariciyo Paulson exercises 10 times, type my mission report and read the articles, all in the same day.

I am also having trouble properly applying new found knowledge to my current social interactions. I was sick of my female co-worker always lying to me or acting coy. She always tries to give up very little information to me. She tries to hide information, etc. I tolerated this, because I was used to tolerating women for their crap.

Also this bitch is a good nerd, she can sit and keep reading the whole day. I would try to be nice with her, because I thought she could help me if I needed to know something, but that never helped. I have to ask her ten questions to get the answer to one question. I basically have to squeeze information out of this bitch. I guess I could solve this problem of dependence on this bitch my reading harder and trying it again before asking her.

The other day, I was pissed of that she would lie about simple things. I asked her if she was going to the gym. She started off in her coy ways. No. I don’t know. I going to just show my face to my other co-worker and leave as I don’t have the clothes etc. I use to encourage her to come to the gym and she would be like no. Ok, anyway getting back to the situation, we leave from the elevator. I go get my clothes from my car. I come back to the gym and she is on the fucking treadmill. I was like what the fuck? I asked her why did she “your just showing your face and leaving.” Then she tried to act coy again and said yah I am just showing my face. I said whatever and left. I was upset that she would lie over such a simple thing. Now, she and I have a lot friction. It’s uncomfortable when we see each other. But in general she has a low self esteem and I also have to feel bad too if I hangout with her.

another day

This is my first blog this week. It seems like a good start. A blog on monday. This morning I felt a little down, because of the rainy weather. It’s funny how easy it is for me to get affected by factors like weather. At one time I feel great when I am around my friends or family, watching a comedy etc. but then again when I am by myself in bad weather my value takes a nose dive!

I am going to be jumping all over the place today. Whatever thought comes to my mind, I am going to put in words on paper (blog). I was wondering what the difference between a mangina and pussified male was? Or are they very similar?

I was also wondering if just reading and understanding would give me enough realization to increase my internal value. But I guess you need the external self-validation cycle to keep the cycle going.

Also I had a question which I posted as to how to improve reading comprehension? I think this is a valid question. Even though it seems lame. It's basic, trivial. But if everyone was understanding everything in the articles to the depth required. Then most folks in the forum would be master's in social interaction.

It's taking me so long to better understand the manhood concepts. I wish I could increase the speed of my learning and understanding of manhood.

I think ninjamaster should also write a sticky or post-it with guidelines as to how to manage manhood with work. Since quite a few of us work full-time, some in really Politically Correct environments which give women high value. Especially, if we don't want to loose our jobs. Specifics such as attitude, co-worker dating, boss, co-worker frame control etc. could be covered. How to manage manhood at work and outside work? Since at work, one has to watch their authority, expectations, etc.

haven't posted in a while

I have not done my blogs in the longest time. I got busy, lazy etc. I did even feel that motivated to do it sometimes. I was at-least trying to missions regularly. Because the mission's are the actually the toughest. You got to out there, I mean its cold, etc. and do them. I am changing my attitude regarding the hi's, compliment's etc. Instead of it being a deal to say them, I am trying to realize that its not such a big a deal. I am just saying whatever I have say, without caring too much for the other person response.

Today I am feeling lazy to do the mission. I kind of made by self ready to do it in the morning break, but my bitch boss wanted me to stick around. After that she kept walking by cubicle so I didn't want to take a chance. I did two compliment missions, one of which got rejected because I didn't follow the directions. It's probably because I changed the compliment twice while doing the mission.

I called Rob to see if he wants to meet up later to do the missions. But he has class at night. I don't know if I will be able to do the mission today, I don't feel motivated enough. I might try later but not sure if I will be able to do. I may even just relax today.

I have to start studying for my GMAT too, I haven't started studying yet. It is going to be hard working, studying for gmat and practicing manhood, etc. I will have to cut down on other activities like tv, videos etc.

Manhood takes up lot of time, energy. I mean it's good, but it's hard if you've gotten used to doing things in a lazy manner. You have do your blogs, validations, mariciyo paulson, missions, reading, phew. I don't want to get stressed by manhood though. I might take some breaks. It should just become a part of my lifestyle and to be a chore. I hope to internalize it eventually. This is just another day trying to balance work, activities and practicing manhood.