Thursday Blog

I did not have the ideal start for my work day this morning. I was a little late and was worried what my boss would say. Anyway things went smooth for the most part. I somehow got into the conversation of women and stuff with a coworker of mine. I make this mistake of talking about manhood, even though people have no clue about it and many times take it the wrong way. Anyways he and I started discussing this topic. I realized soon that I should not have gotten into it in the first place. I think he is more into the equality between women and men, the woman have to very smart and they should not be submissive etc. A grown man telling me this is weird. Well the divorces explain things.

I was trying to tell him how I wanted to have interactions on my terms, etc. And he was like no no. I don't know why I tried explaining it to him. He saw me on looking at m101 site and started saying that this is like Cosmo for guys. I said yah guys don't have any resources. He said no you are making things to complex. I told him that changes don't happen overnight. He was like no it's a numbers game you just go to out and keep trying. I don't why I keep doing that and then think of the most smart way to counter the other person's argument. I need to stop talking about manhood and just show my manhood rather than discussing it with hundred other people. For some reason I thought the dude would understand but no.

I did agree with one thing the guy said that I needed to go out and meet girls. In my mind I was thinking, yes I need to go out and do my missions. So later in the afternoon I decided to go start on my invalidation mission day 4. I always make excuses in my head not to the mission, but today I just went ahead and did it anyway. Once I break the initial inertia of doing the mission and get a few done, it's not that bad anymore.

Tuesday Morning

My momentary realizations are increasing every day. I am slowly not reacting the way the other person wants me to when they try annoying me. I am ignoring and invalidating them in a subtle manner. I ignored one of pussified co-workers yesterday and it worked well. The guy tried annoying me again, but was a little surprised that I did not react and later he tried to qualify when I kept ignoring his ass. I am practice ignoring and comfort with vulnerability. Even the other coworkers acting a little differently not that I am not reacting. I still try to qualify to this one coworker of mine, because of my low inner value. This should change over time.

    I practiced a little bit of frame control yesterday and today with this dumb Indian woman online. I am learning ignore the crap that other people say to get a reaction of me. It's working well. I started steering interaction with this bitch instead of her always leading it and me following or giving her interesting crap. I am realizing how retarded chicks really are. Also I am able to see how stupid my pussified coworkers really are. The guys I used to value and qualify to.

    I have to practice saying what I want to say unapologetically to women while doing my invalidation mission. Also I need to practice being slow and deliberate. Other things I could work on, are talking slowly and calmly in general to everyone. I need to stop making unnecessary sounds while talking as KDDR said. My voice does not have to sound shaky even when I am excited. This is something I have to remind myself to work on.

    I am also slowly learning not to be a pussy and run to the girls at my work and try impressing them. I value these females because I don't have a girl in my life now. I get happy just being around these females, which is not good. This is slowly changing with my realizations, but should change drastically once my interactions with women outside work increase.

Long Beach exploration and Wonderful Restaurant

My new friend Rob and I went over to the historic city of Long Beach to do our missions. Mr. Rob was late as usual. He takes him own sweet time to get ready and somewhere. Maybe the dude thinks he is still in Hawaii! I kind of take my time to do things to but, man this guy. I went over to the place we were supposed to meet in Long Beach. I was early. Robby got lost a bunch of times along the way, so it delayed him even more. I spoke to Rob on the phone to find out where I should park. He told me to park in structure by Pine Street. I also asked him how much the parking fee was. He said that he paid seven dollar to park in the structure. I was like, f. that. There was no way I was going to pay that much for parking my car. I was determined to find cheaper parking. So I drove around since I was so early. Everywhere I drove I found parking meters. I was thinking to myself, man this city is filled with parking meters. I finally found some parking spots on the street without any parking meters. I was about to park my car and walk around to see how far away from the meeting point I was, but then I realized that I had parked in the ghettoes of Long Beach. I immediately got back into my car and drove around to find a place that had fewer ghetto folks. I found a CVS parking, it which a mix of ghetto and normal. I parked my car and directed Rob to the parking lot.

    Rob and I walked around and decided to get started on our missions. We were also hungry, so Rob asked a girl where a good place to eat was. He was about to do his mission, but the girl told us to eat in the restaurant that was free. We stopped right there and listened to her. This place has free food every Sunday from 5 pm to 9 pm. It was vegetarian food. Rob and I went in there and we were greeted with so much hospitality. I loved the place; I had a slight warm feeling in my heart! They served me hot chocolate, Veggie Delight Sandwich and Cheesecake! Not bad for free! I donated $10on behalf of Rob and I. It was worth it. The moral of the story, don't pay for expensive parking, find a free or donation restaurant and donate whatever you feel like at the restaurant than waste it parking. You also get to see more of the place my parking further away and discover such novelties as I did.

work bitches

I hate the fucking bitches at work. I could fucking mess up these bitches. My bitch boss before leaving tells my little fucking submissive female coworker that she could sign the sheets when my boss left, she kept saying that in front on me many times. Oh these fucking bitches. If only. The fucking asian bitch cannot even speak english properly and my stupid black bitch boss, who like Morgan Freeman and Whoopi Goldberg had sex an produced one ugly piece of shit, that would by my boss, this dumb bitch wanted the mute bitch to be boss.

Now the Dumb mute asian bitch was trying to act funny with me and when I went to her cubicle, she asked me if I wanted to her to sign anything. Fucking bitch trying to imply something and rub it into face. I could fucking break her neck. Oh these bitches make me angry. Only here, that fucking little submissive bitches who can't even speak english properly and no one can understand are empowered by the all american she male black bitch.

God damn she male black bitch. This fucking cheap ass bitch doesn't spend a thing on anything. She looks ugly as shit. She buys her clothes from costco and doesn't even try them before buying. She is always sick, her god damn nose is running throughout the fucking year. I thought I was bad, she is just fucking too much. Her car is a fucking piece of shit. The pain is all gone and the interior smells so fucking bad, as thought somebody just took a big crap in there.

Everyday I have deal with black piece of shit and a burmese piece of crap. Both these fucking bitches should just made to lie on the floor and taken huge dumps on. Dumb bitches like these should be trained from the beginning or they get out of hand. They should never be allowed to get out of hand even for single fucking second.

Retraining these bitches in feminist pussified america is just not possible. They need to given extreme forms of treatment. The black bitch needs to be dropped on Africa with some animals. The burmese bitch needs to be sent back Burma where she can retrained into being a woman and more.

Christmas party at work.

I went to the Christmas party at my workplace. I greeted a few people. I saw a crowd around one of our new cute coworker's cubicle. I went over there and I saw two cute girls. One was my coworker and the other her sister. The sister was nice, anyway, I make some small talk with them. Then I went around wishing other office mates.

The sister was nice. She gave me a piece of chocolate. And she recommended that I try the cheesecake. I was a little nervous. I ate a little food. Then greeted my boss's boss and his boss. I was looking good. I was dressed well. I went back to the cubicle and all these guys were standing there. Anyway, I stood there and talked to the sisters. I did not know my coworker played tennis so I said "seriously, you play tennis?" she was all what, you don't think I play tennis? what does that mean etc? And the guys jumped in, saying hey man etc.

Later on, the two sisters decided to leave when they were not getting enough attention. They happened to pass by cubicle and were talking to one of my previous bosses. I went and stood by cubicle and then the previous boss who likes me pointed with his face, implying I should go out with one of the two sisters. I said oh yah the young is really nice. I did not want to hit on the older one as she works with me. Then the older sister was like NOO she's my younger sisters. I said oh yah the younger was good, and that she played tennis.

The older sister, then said no she is only 18. I said that's perfect, I am 19. And I said you so nice, its perfect. Then she started saying I know you want cute, nice and rich. I am not rich etc. I started qualifying. I said having a real high score on one compensates for the other two. She said "OH" or something. Then the younger sister started saying, I am not that nice. etc.

I have this problem where I emotionally invest in a girl, even if they are a little bit friendly with me. But I did want to say the truth I did feel a little attracted to her, that is why the other guys were lined up. I said what they were thinking.

I felt great when I was around my coworkers. Everyone validating me, the fact that I hit on her etc. and actually was encouraged to hit on her by my previous boss. All this made me feel so good. But then later when they and left and I left and head home. I felt bad, I reached my apartment, I was alone. I realize I probably will not see her again. The validation spike was good, I wish I had sure more value during the interaction, and not go into clown mode, trying to impress them by saying funny things. Now I need to move on with my manhood development.

today was quite a day

I woke up late as I finally had a day off, after a long time. It is getting so god damn cold in the morning. I miss the warm mornings in india. I could never stay past 7 am in india as it would get so warm. It was so easy to get up in the morning over there. Anyways getting back to here, I finally woke up around 10 am.

I was feeling a little lazy, I woke up, went back to bed and then woke up again around 10:30 am. I brushed my teeth etc. and then played on my Wii. I actually finally got a chance to commission my Wii. My TV is broken, thanks to my mom constantly watching her india shows with a bad signal. So I attached the Wii to an old projector that I had. It was fun playing the wii with a big image on the wall. Except I had to stand to the side a little, otherwise I was causing shadows on the image.

I practiced some yoga exercises from the wii fit menu. I did about ten minutes of it. I also played the soccer ball head butt game for a couple of minutes. I did ten minutes as the wii fit character advises that I do at-least ten minutes of fitness at a time.
The yoga stretches helped me with my back problem. I like yoga, its not that exerting, yet it is very beneficial. I finally am learning and appreciating the true benefits of yoga. I use to have the immature attitude that flexibility is only of girls and guys like me don't need that. I was so wrong. Everyone needs it, including people who lift weights regularly.

I was also feeling a little lazy to go do the mission. I went and got a subway sandwich with a coupon my dad had saved. I later got a call from Rob who wanted to do the mission. I was glad then, as it was motivating to actually be able to go out and do the mission. We finally met at cerritos mall, I had a chance to do my mission, but Rob didn't get through too much of his mission. Later I couldn't find my car, after a lot of looking for it, etc. I found it in the evening, I found that by mistake I parked at one place and was looking for the car in another place close to it but not exactly where it was located. It was such a relief to finally find my car. End of this post.

thursday before christmas week

Today was the last day of my work. My boss gave me and my co-worker lot of chocolates. My co-worker opened his chocolates. I started eating his chocolates. I ate about ten chocolates. These chocolates were good. These were the nice tasting one, with chocolate and peanuts. They come wrapped in a golden wrapper and are like chocolate balls. They have a big nut covered by chocolate cream on the inside. Crunchy chocolate and peanuts on the outside and nice big nut on the side with chocolate cream. ummm, these taste soo goood.

Now my stomach is paining as I ate so many. I still feel like eating one more. I haven't eaten one for an hour. I have started drinking water, to try to digest all the chocolate I have eaten. I am hoping the water will help cut down the stomach burn caused by eating all these chocolates.

The problem with these sweets are they give temporary pleasure, I mean its a good pleasure, but then you later you feel empty. You need more pleasure (sweet) and then again lows. Damn it, eat sweet, get sugar highs, then sugar lows. I wish food thats good for you, like spinach tasted so good like chocolates. Why is it always that things that are bad for you taste good and things that are good for you taste bad? One has to work harder to make things that are good for you taste good!

For example vegetarian food is good for you. Except your sources of protein are limited to nuts, beans, legumes,etc. But then again making vegetarian taste is a lot of work.I have tried all the garden burger, soy nuggets, soy dogs, etc. most of them taste like crap. A few taste ok. Some taste like freaking chemicals, in your mouth.

I just ate another one, oh god, my stomach is hurting again. I hope I am able to go to yoga later. I already feel so weird in my stomach. I think I must go to yoga, but I might have trouble performing the poses. I should go since I missed yoga yesterday too.